Wow, is this the most important knowledge of my life?
Okay, where did I gain knowledge? First, I’m in my second marriage with Susan.
I was married before, to Linda, a wonderful woman.
But clearly not the right person for me,
as I wasn’t the right person for her. And, of course, there’s all the literature,
because so much of written literature is
about partnerships, usually the struggles
of partnerships. And then those four-hour interviews I do
with people, if they have a partnership, or
they had one, and it’s still hurting them.
So I’ve heard about partnerships. And I’m in a fabulous one now, and
so I want to give you my tricks. Yay! I think it’s absolutely clear to me, that
each person that decides to date with any
hope of having an extended relationship — You need to know exactly what you have
to have for the relationship to be right,
and kind of relaxed about everything else. Know what you have to have. For me, its six
things I have to have. And I can’t imagine, if
something happened with Susan, I know I
would use this as a absolute direction. Okay. My six are going to be different
than anyone else’s six, or ten, or —
I don’t recommend like 50 or 60, you know.
You might as well become a monk. But, you know, I think you can find
probably 10 and under, and try it.
Okay, I need a partner,
I want a woman partner, And I need one who loves to receive affection,
and to give affection. This was my mom.
So, I love swimming in affection. I also need a partner who
is right like “this” (direct), okay?
Everything on your mind, anything
to do with me, you tell me, that day! And back at you! That you don’t sit for months going: “Oh, I hate the way she rolls her socks” *meep* Say, you know, right in the eye,
say what you want, what you need,
and what concerns you, and anything that comes up between
you and your partner that you just say,
not to win an argument,
but to let them know you. And the things you need, I think, it’s really
important to tell them early on if you’re
considering a long-term relationship. So, yummy bi-directional affection, and
same with looking at each other in the eyes.
I could go where these roots came from,
but I think I’m just going to give you the six. Number four, I need someone who is crazy.
And yes, I was crazy in mental hospital,
and Susan was crazy in her crazy. And I think it helps us be crazy,
and be happy being crazy.
But Linda, again, a wonderful woman,
and not crazy. I need crazy. Okay, I need a person who doesn’t care about
having things — about having money.
And yes, we have things. But I truly feel that Susan and I could
lose it all, and we would have each other.
It’s not about financial security,
we are each other’s security. I also need an intellectual, okay. I need a person
who puts thinking, and intelligence, and ideas,
up there with love as importance. And, you know, Linda was smart.
I’m not saying Linda was not smart.
She was very smart.
But I need a person who wants to ponder over things, And who’s, in Susan’s case, she has a
school for thinking. It really, the School for
Designing a Society, is a place to nurture
your ability to be a thinker. Okay, and I need a person committed to
political action all of her life. That my own
crazed dedication… You know, in our 25 years together
I’ve almost never been home more
than 65 days of that 25 years. I think in this last year is the first time I
will have been home more than 70 days. And never once have I heard it
from my mouth, or from hers: “I wish you were home more,” or
“Do you have to do all that traveling?” or… We’re activist. We celebrate
each other’s activism. And so, those are my hints of what I
know that if I had to seek another partner
I would seek that those things. And, I have a little secret recommendation to everyone in love. And that is: If you love somebody, listen to everything they want–everything. Write it down if you can forget. Listen to everything they need,
and do everything they need, all the time. Unless you are ethically against
the thing they need, or want
(it doesn’t have to be a need,
something they want). So, if your partner likes, when you
come home, to put one shoe in the
refrigerator, and one in the guest
room’s closet, you do it every time. That’s what they want,
and you love them.
Duh, it’s worth it! So if you want yum-yum to last,
those are my hints, and it’s worth it.