This diplomatic meeting shall come to order, Emperor Trajan presiding as mediator for the dispute between President Theodore Roosevelt and Pharaoh Cleopatra the seventh. Roosevelt, as you are the one with the grievances, do you have any opening remarks? Indeed. The Pharaoh has been bullying city-states on the American continent, and we don’t approve of her aggressive actions. Okay, one we share that continent, so back off, two, are they your city-states? No. Do you want them to be your city-states? Not necessarily. Then why do you care? I do not approve of unnecessary violence against defenseless opponents. They’re city-states. They’re not even opponents, they’re placeholders. They may as well have “future city of Egypt” written over their gates. Why don’t you expand by making new cities of your own? Why don’t you mind your own business? It’s truly amazing how much I do not care about this argument. like if neutral had a value, mine mine would be astronomically high. Hi everyone! I’m back. This room is occupied. We’ll be done at the end of the hour. Or hopefully much, much sooner. Oh, don’t remember me, do you? I do not. And I have no intention of doing so in the future. That’s because you guys didn’t invite me to this, super-secret special club you have going on here, so I started my own, er I found my own anyway, and this is them, and we booked this room too. I’m Enrico Dandolo, by the way. Uh, from Venice. You know, one with all the, uh, ducats. (Chuckles) (Whispers) It’s what they call gold. Fine, stay on that side of the table and keep your conversation to yourself. Now, we were discussing city-states that no one seems to have any particular investment in. Yes, I believe that despite having no aspirations or inherent value that all city stays deserve equal treatment. You’ve been assaulting my land and trying to push my people towards extinction for centuries. My lands, my people. I have been trying to claim them for centuries, and I finally will, because out of the three available missions that’s the one I picked first Woah, heavy stuff. Feels good to be involved in such, big-picture high-stakes diplomacy over here, so, hey, uh, Sulaimon weird question: How do you feel about crabs? I do not care about crabs. Fantastic, proceed. If you didn’t want to be attacked by the Ottomans, you shouldn’t have been queen of the Byzantine empire. You knew what you were getting in to. why don’t you challenge yourself for once instead of picking on the easy target? Because I like winning. Convert to Catholic, try out a noble Republic, attack Venice first. You hear that, that guys? I’m no easy target. Also their religion names are so cute, Cath-lick. Cath-lick. What is that? It’s the reason I’m in this mess in the first place. You should know. What do you propose? Hmm? What do I, uh, about the land thing? Ooh, huh, that’s a toughy. Uh, have you considered using land that no one else is using? ‘Cause you have your cities, and you have your cities and then there’s all that, like, like space in the middle that no one uses because it’s just gross desert or whatever and You know like your, your borders, don’t reach Like uh don’t, and so there’s a space. There is no empty land. Oh wow, huh, yeah, that would cause some tension. Sorry. I’m still getting used to this whole like, having land thing. If you have so much, maybe we give you some of yours to solve the dispute. Well that seems like a bad idea, I mean, you guys know I’m pretty much like a god, right? Your words. So, you’d probably just, get destroyed before you even set foot in my empire, just, you know, in combat, I’ll be back. (Dramatic sting) Oh hey, um, I could use some advice. Nonsense, you’re doing very well. Back that way now. Why do those two think you’re important? Okay funny story, so we’re there from you can die and then someone else just rules your country which is a weird concept I’m still getting used to, but since I’m immortal, they think I’m some kind of like, all-powerful arbitrator of justice or whatever, and they keep calling me 666, which seems bad, but apparently is positive, but anyway they scare me and I think they’re trying to murder me, so if you could help… Bully ol boy, I am on your side. I don’t care for the bearded one, Or you. I get that a lot. Thank you for your support. Now, Suleiman, why do you want to grind the Byzantine Empire into dust? Does he need a reason? Yes. The reason is I say it’s mine. That doesn’t count! Then it is because the Ottomans destiny is to capture the city of the world’s desire for its own. Oh come on. No no, that’s, that’s legit. Surely some kind of agreement could be made? Perhaps she could offer you 15 gold and 2 Wales per turn for 30 turns What the Hell are you talking about? How about she offers a city? I like this better. Over my dead body. No, no, that’s what we’re trying to avoid. I may die, but my nation will live on Yeah, see I don’t get that. What if you just learn to coexist? You know, and you just kept the land you have, and then focused on trade and culture. No? There has to be something you can agree on, anything at all. You are both deeply invested in the future of your nations and your people, right? I would just like to not be conquered for once. An ottoman farmer saw a commet last week Pretty sure it’s the end of days. How about religion? Similar opinions? Sunni. Orthodox. I recently adopted Yoloism. Then you’re a heretic. You all disgust me. That’s something, how do you feel about him? I would like to see his Republic smashed upon the floor into tiny irrelevant pieces that can never be put back together, like a priceless Ming Dynasty. Same. Okay, ouch. I think we’re getting a little distracted here, let’s not forget Theodora, you owe, Suleiman one Constantinople, so let’s focus, focus on that guys, what do you say? I say I will make my own religion, like your pathetic friends, and call it “Embargo Venice”. Oh come on, really? You too? Seems like we’re in agreement then, we’ll offer you Venice in exchange for peace. Deal? Sure I accept. Wait, uh, I didn’t agree to anything, so um, let’s just get some coffee, and we can, settle down, have a nice chat about this, and then we can um, oh. Come, let us discuss this on the battlefield. No, I don’t, no, I’m bad at that. Well, in light of that exchange, I think we can agree that Cleopatra’s treatment of her neighbor- Nobody cares about city-states, Theodor. Ta-da! Special thanks to mod squad for letting us use their new downtown Austin location to film this video, they were really cool about it. Yeah, make sure you go check them out online, modsquad.com, they provided customer relations, community support, and, um, like social media services and stuff for Video game companies, tech companies, other businesses, They were really cool, Joey met one of the people yeah Yeah, thank you so much another shout to Mary Pritchard they after watching You know that you are we love you all of our fans Thank you all of our fans for watching and supporting and sharing this video like like we know you do. Bully on you.