How To Deal With Social Anxiety In Group Settings with Neil Pasricha

How To Deal With Social Anxiety In Group Settings with Neil Pasricha


– How do I get over social
anxiety in group settings? Okay, this is kind of like a sequel post, because you know what,
I did this other post, which you can see on the side or type in, which is the yellow pages track, which I talked about how to
get over your anxiety alone. I talk about how when I was a kid, I used to call the
yellow pages and just ask random people questions
to calm myself down. But then Sandy wrote a
comment and she was like that’s well and good, Neil,
but what about in groups. Huh, okay. Well when I’m in a group
and I’m feeling anxious, which by the way I still
do and lots of people do, you’re not unusual or
uncommon, it’s totally normal, I do three things. Number one, I put a cue card in my pocket telling myself how I want to feel. Like if I’m giving a speech,
I’m like you’re gonna nail it. If I’m going to a thing
for new dads I’m like, you’re gonna meet a couple
dads, like I just tell myself what I want in my pocket
and I touch my pocket if I need a little bit of support. It’s funny, ’cause it’s a
message from myself to myself, but it actually works. ‘Cause I know what that touch
on my pocket feels like, it’s a little cue card,
and that really helps. Number two thing, super
obvious, find a friend. Know someone else who’s going, have a plan to meet someone there, have that connective tissue established so you feel less worried
about not meeting anyone and standing at the cafeteria
with the tray full of food and you don’t know where your friends are. That’s a pretty horrible experience that lots of us have from
high school or whatever, but if you don’t want
to have that feeling, just know who’s gonna be
there, where they are, have a place to meet them. The third one’s a lot less obvious, but I highly recommend it. Chances are you’re gonna do
this, and it’s gonna be okay. You’re just gonna let it slip
from your memory and mind, and you’re gonna reaffirm
your old identity of I’m anxious in groups next
time you have a group meeting. So, what do you do? When you come home that
night or the next day, journal about it. Journal about it, you’ll trigger area 17 in your visual cortex
to replay in your mind the positives from the night. The next time you read your own journal or you revisit a group setting
that you’re going to go to, you can remember it better
because you’ve doubled and tripled what I call the replay, the instance of it happening. Your mind is working yourself
out of an old identity where you think you aren’t
good at social groups, but you are, but you just
have to journal to remember. Take those three tips,
good luck, you’ll be fine. Sandy and others, leave me
a comment to let me know if it worked.

2 thoughts on “How To Deal With Social Anxiety In Group Settings with Neil Pasricha

  1. These are some great tips! This is a great topic that seems to be rarely addressed!

    Another thing I've found that works for me is to find someone else who is hanging out by themselves. Or, if there's no single person, look for a couple instead. Chances are, they're looking to connect as well but might be having the same anxiety as you. These individuals might be easier to approach and might be more open to conversation.

    As far as conversation starters, it can be as mundane as the weather or the current song that's playing (or the lack of music playing if there is none), something about current issues, or a compliment about a clothing item or accessory that they have.

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