How To Stop Being A Scapegoat and Stop Being Scapegoated

How To Stop Being A Scapegoat and Stop Being Scapegoated

The Scapegoat When I say the word scapegoat, many of you already know what I mean. For those of you that don’t, a scapegoat is a person who is blamed for the wrongdoings,
the mistakes and faults, regardless of other people being either entirely at fault, or also at fault, especially for reasons of expediency. Now this term scapegoat originates from Judaism. During mass reconciliation a rabbi would bring a goat to the altar. The idiotic idea was that sins of the people
would be absorbed into the goat and it would then be killed. When its blood would spill over the altar, those sins were said to be cleansed. In a human social group, like a family, there are complex interactions
that take place and roles that people end up in. The emotional interdependence and even the most abusive
and disconnected homes still makes it so that a
change in one person, creates reciprocal changes in
every other member of the group. In a dysfunctional social group, (a dysfunctional family is
a dysfunctional social group) What will actually happen is that the strongest member
of the family will be targeted. Now what I mean by strongest is, is that any social group, creates patterns of dysfunctionality and the strongest member is the member that goes against
these patterns of dysfunctionality. They’re the one that
doesn’t feed into them, and therefore, they’re the ones that cause everyone else to be triggered about them. Now this strongest member
of the group being targeted will now become the “group problem” or the “family problem”. All of the emotional and mental discomfort that is experienced by
the group as a whole, is deflected and projected
on to this person who is expected to bear it so that
the other members of the group don’t have to face that
discomfort in themselves. The subconscious goal here,
is in fact, catharsis. The scapegoat is the one
that is selected to suffer, so that the other members
of the family don’t have to. In the family, the person who ends up
in the role of the scapegoat is not actually to blame any more than the goat
in our sacrifice scenario is to blame for the sins of the people. The thing is that their feelings, their thoughts, their needs,
their desires, their perspectives actually causes the unresolved issues in the other family members, to surface. At which point, instead of looking at
these unresolved issues and actually resolving them, all of that distress becomes deflected on to this person. And that person is the reason for the family’s problems and suffering. Here’s an example: A mother doesn’t actually want a child, but she has been led by society to believe that that’s the only acceptable
role for her to have. And in fact, that’s the only
way for her to guarantee that she’s gonna get love long term. So she has a child. Now this child is going
to have its own needs, have its own desires,
have its own thoughts… It’s gonna be its own unique being. But when it’s born to a mother
that doesn’t really want a child, a mother that just wants
validation, for example, this isn’t going to go so well. When this mother has to run around and cater to this child’s thoughts
and needs and desires and accommodate the child
in such an extreme way, it’s gonna bring up her
unresolved issues around wanting to do what
she wants to do in life. And the very real fact that society led her in the
exact opposite direction of her genuine desires, in the direction of what society says she needs to be doing with her life. Now, instead of facing the fact that
she never wanted to be a mother, instead of facing the fact that the real “selfish truth”, is that she wants to do
what she wants to do. And probably needs to let
herself go ahead and face those types of things
she actually wants to do and do them, she’s gonna make the child the issue. “You’re so selfish.” She’s gonna say when the
child asks for something. She’s going to be constantly exasperated. Tell the story that her life ended
when her daughters began. She has made the problem the child and projected her own sins, so to speak, on to the child in order
to avoid the discomfort of accepting that she
does not want a child and she is selfish and that she
wants to do what she wants to do. Not dedicate her life to
another person’s care. It is at this point that the child has become a scapegoat. Of course, it’s difficult for a scapegoat in any social group, to really genuinely understand they’re not to blame and not at fault. Why? Because it doesn’t make
sense that if they’re not at fault Why the hell are they
being treated this way? What the scapegoat does
with this extreme confusion, that they’re trapped in their whole life, of trying to figure out just what it is that they did that was so bad to deserve this treatment, is that they will go on a lifelong mission to try to figure out what’s bad
about themselves and fix it and yet nothing they
ever do will ever turn up anything that they’re actually able to fix so as to get the love they need
from the people around them. Why? Because resolving things was never the intention of the family or social
group in the first place. In other words, it was never a motive
of anyone in the group for that person to not be the problem. It served to them, for that
person to be the problem. As long as that person was the problem, they could avoid looking at themselves. And that is the biggest Gaslight of all. Basically, everyone’s like
we really do want you to fix the fact that you’re
such a problem for us. But that’s a Gaslight because they don’t. what they want is to make
someone the problem, so that they can avoid facing themselves. The scapegoat can spend a lifetime paying for sins they never committed. Now, because we live in a universe
based on the law of mirroring, (what some people call
the law of attraction), there’s this crappy little
thing that happens. Now I understand, universally speaking this
is a brilliant design. There’s some debate about
that in consciousness itself, however, for the sake of relating to you, I’m going to say, it’s a
crappy little pattern. Why? Because when you
have been scapegoated and this is the basis of your life, you will go on to be scapegoated, again and again and again and again, until you resolve the very things that are keeping you stuck in the pattern. And this is something
that I want to help you, if you have experienced scapegoating, with today. Because actually the scapegoat has patterns within themselves, that are acting like super glue fusing them to this behavior of being scapegoated. First I’m going to list
the top four things that act like a super glue, attaching a scapegoat to the
pattern of being scapegoated. 1. Accepting this role was literally the only way to
stay safe in the social group. And so this is now your pattern of fitting in and staying safe socially. 2. Accepting responsibility, made you not like the people who hurt you. 3. You love people who take responsibility. You find them safe, and so you do not want to
entertain the idea of letting any of that responsibility go. Plus you’re only in control
if you take 100% of it. 4. No one else in the social group was taking any responsibility, and so you were forced
to be the one to do it, for all of them. This is now a habit. Let’s address the first item of superglue. Shall we? You have a very clear option when a social group turns
you into a scapegoat. And that is, you either instantaneously conform or you suffer the wrath of being excluded, of being made to be the problem, and being treated and seen as the problem (by the way, it comes with a
great many consequences socially). Now here’s the thing, there are a great many situations where a person, especially a child, can’t actually conform. And even when you can conform, You know, people aren’t really idiots. They understand that genuine conformity is not actually love. They understand that if they conform, they have to get rid of
themselves to do it. And so, the consequence, as opposed to abandonment, for people who actually
are able to conform in a social group like this, is the loss of self. Basically in a social group, you’re not safe at all. Because you have to exchange
one form of safety for another form of safety and you have to exchange
one form of unsafety for another form of unsafety. Either you’re looking at losing
yourself, or being an outcast. The role of the scapegoat and the role of the golden child in a family group are both not safe. They’re just opposite forms of unsafety. And so if you were in either role, you carry seeds of fear of the opposite, as well as the pain of what you chose. But in any case, accepting the role of the scapegoat within the social group, in fact made it so that you did not end up completely and entirely alone. Now, I need you to understand that we are a completely relationally
dependent species. If you put a baby out on a sidewalk with no one to tend it, it is dead. This means that we prioritize closeness with a social group over absolutely everything and aloneness is annihilation
to the human species. So the way it works is this: When a social group
starts to scapegoat you and you can’t conform or don’t conform in some way, then what happens is
a very specific pattern. You have to first buy into the fact that you’re the family problem and you have to adopt this
as your way of seeing yourself. When you do this, you are no longer resisting the way that this group sees you. You’re no longer resisting the way they want to use
you within the group. Therefore, they’re gonna stop
resisting you in that way, to a degree. In this atmosphere of non-resistance to the horrible identity that’s
being projected on to you and to all the things
you’re being blamed for, actually allows the people
in the social group to switch up their game now and to avoid their unresolved
issues even further. They do this by considering themselves, at this point, the healer and the fixer of you. At this point the scapegoat becomes the identified patient
in the social group. They use the idea of
themselves as a good person for focusing on and
helping and fixing you, to further avoid their own pain. The thing is, they’re creating
the very pain in you that they say is your personality defect and flipping it, so as to heal it. Now this is disgusting. This social pattern is disgusting when you really get it. It is so dysfunctional and it is such an extreme
form of Gaslight. The reason that I say
it’s a Gaslight is this: and by the way, those of you who
don’t know what a Gaslight is, it’s basically to convince you
that what you see, you don’t see, what you hear, you don’t hear, what you perceive is not reality. It is to mess with someone’s
sense of reality. Now, I may do an entire
episode on gas lighting because it’s so misunderstood. However, for the sake of this episode it’s intensely gas lighting
because of this: Imagine that I walked up
to you with a lead pipe, and I knocked your feet
out from under you. Now you’re rolling around on
the ground and you’re in pain and it’s at this point that I get
down on the floor next to you, And the first thing I say is: “God you just have
so many problems, I mean you understand when
you’re always acting in pain like this it’s a problem, because
it takes all of the focus off of the family, and I can’t put my energy into the other siblings that I need to put my energy into, because you’re taking so
much focus away from me.” And when you continue to cry, I then wind up this. Not only did I just make
you the problem, Now, I’m gonna switch and escape my own unresolved issues even
further by becoming your fixer. So now down on the ground
after I’ve said that; “You know, I’m definitely here for you.” “I see that you have problems.” “I recognize that we can
definitely find a doctor who can help you with the fact that
you’re in so much pain all the time.” Yeah, that’s a scary Gaslight. That is life for a scapegoat
in a family unit. The vast majority of children who are brought to
psychologists and psychiatrists are in fact family scapegoats
in this exact situation. But the sad thing is that
playing into this pattern by accepting themselves as the problem, saves the scapegoat from abandonment, annihilation and further wounding by the people in their lives. The problem is because of this
extreme form of gas lighting, you learn to ignore the fact that people have punched
you onto the ground in the first place, and instead, focus entirely on the safe feeling of them trying to heal and fix you. Your only frame of reference for closeness with other people is when they’re trying to fix you now. That means, you are prone to getting into
relationship after relationship with people who mess you up specifically so they can do this pattern with you. They screw you up so they can fix you up. And you actually feel more
loved and more safe in that. Because at least even if they’re the ones that knocked your knee out from
under you in the first place, in the moment that
they’re bandaging it up, you’re not getting hurt like you usually are. Okay, so you can get this, your frame of reference
for love and safety is blaming yourself, seeing yourself as the problem
and having people fix you. This is a pattern you repeat and repeat in order to get your emotional
and even physical needs met, to feel close to people
and feel safe socially. You pick people who do this to you. You do not end relationships with people who do this to you. To address the second item of superglue, you wouldn’t really be the
scapegoat of your family if the truth, even at a subconscious level wasn’t that you actually do see the patterns that are occurring. In fact, in the previous scenario you’re the kid who sees even if there’s a part of you that wonders whether
you’re bad or not, that mom didn’t actually want kid. Basically, you know that
there is an extreme form of deflection and projection going on. To understand more about
deflection and projection watch my videos titled: Deflection
(The Coping Mechanism From Hell) &, Projection (Understanding
the Psychology of Projection) You see that them not
taking responsibility for aspects of their lives, including unresolved issues
and their authentic truth, has created all of this pain for you. You see that that has made them bad and as a result of your whole pattern, where you have spent your whole life desperately trying to figure
out how to be good, because you’ve been put in this
category of bad and wrong to such an extreme degree, this obsession you have with being good and being right, makes it so that you naturally swing the pendulum away from where they stand, if you see that what they have been doing in their pattern of lack of responsibility for these things, lack of ownership for them, has been creating so
much pain in the world, you seek to be so incredibly good, and to restore your
own sense of goodness, by being the exact opposite of them. Basically your wires get crossed. And now your only way of being good is to seek out how you’re at fault and to take the blame
and blame yourself. The problem is, in this universe based
on the law of mirroring, yet again, that creates quite
the vibrational problem. Doesn’t it? Because if you are in the frequency of yourself always being to blame, that means other people
will always blame you. Haven’t you noticed this interesting
little quality about the universe? That the people who do not act in fact, blame themselves, often don’t get blamed by others. Yes, if you are a scapegoat there is gonna be nothing more triggering than those moments when
you’re watching a movie and someone is blamed for
something they didn’t do, convicted of a crime they didn’t commit and can say nothing, because they’re already condemned. Because this is your life, isn’t it? You’re gonna be scapegoated and blamed for things even
when you didn’t do it. And the pattern that’s
actually creating this on a vibrational level, is the pattern of blaming yourself, so as to stay virtuous. To address the third super glue, you have been so damaged by being blamed, especially wrongly blamed, that you have fallen in love with the opposite characteristic from the ones that the people
who originally hurt you have. You have fallen in love with people who blame themselves. Fallen in love with people
who take responsibility. Do you want to know why? Cuz it actually does keep you safe. It’s safe when somebody
takes responsibility for things. But this complete adoration you have for people taking responsibility and this glorification
of the trade itself, has caused you to adopt the
trade hyper responsibility. It has caused you to swing the pendulum completely to the far end of the scale, where you take blame for
everything and everything. By taking 100% of the
responsibility of the blame, you feel superior in that goodness and also feel in control and thus safe. If something is someone
else’s responsibility or fault, who’s actually in control of repair in that situation? And you have learned over
the course of your life not to trust anyone else with responsibility. Therefore in order to feel safe
and in control of your life, you have to take 100 % of it. This is the very same pattern that keeps people locked in sexual abuse. Those of you who have worked or who know people who’ve
been sexually abused, know that the hardest thing
to get a survivor passed in the path of healing, is self blame. The reason is, is that blaming themselves, implies that they themselves had a hand in why something happened. Look at the terror of the reality, if they don’t. If they had nothing to do
with why it happened, then they were truly a victim. So taking 100% of the responsibility is the only way they
can stay not a victim. To address the fourth issue; Being a scapegoat in a family, implies that the other family members don’t take responsibility
for some aspect of life. I mean you may have had
a hyper responsible parent who was overworked but still
who turned you into the scapegoat because they never took responsibility for their true desires, for their true thoughts, true needs, feelings whatever… Now obviously because these people don’t take responsibility, They kind of defaulted to you didn’t it? It didn’t really matter whether you wanted to take
responsibility for it or not. If no one else was going to, it was you or no one. This means you’re conditioned
to automatically do it. It’s complete and total habit. You take responsibility
for what is and isn’t yours to take responsibility for, thinking that there’s no other option. So take a look at your life, for what might be someone
else’s responsibility and ask yourself: “If I didn’t take responsibility for ________ what would happen?” For example, did you know that it’s another
person’s responsibility when they feel that they
have some sort of a conflict or a problem with you, to come to you directly
to try to resolve it? That’s actually their responsibility to initiate that resolve. Now ask yourself this question: “If I weren’t the person to intuit the fact that that person
had an issue with me and to be the one to
bring it up with them so that I initiated the resolve, what would happen? Or wouldn’t? This level of hyper responsibility, it’s gonna kill you one day. It will literally incapacitate you and on top of that, It makes you an absolute magnet to people who do not want to
take any responsibility at all. I find it helpful, in alignment with my teachings on love, to consider that all beings in existence, all people are part of myself and asked myself the question: “If this person were me, a part of me, would I want a part of me to be doing X, Y, Z? “Would I want them to be escaping from their own unresolved issues,
instead of facing them? Would I want them to not be taking responsibility?” If the answer is yes, by all means go ahead and continue. But if the answer is no, then you can consider yourself
an enabler of dysfunction and therefore not loving to them at all, by continuing this pattern. What does all this boil down to? You need to look at what is and isn’t yours in any situation. What is keeping you from doing this, is that any time you look at
how something isn’t your fault, you feel like you’re headed
straight towards becoming like those
people you hate because they hurt you so badly. You think you’re the good guy for taking all the blame. You can only be good for taking
responsibility for what’s yours. Otherwise you’ve turned into an enabler. You enable people to be like
those people who hurt you. You enable their dysfunction as well as pattern of
deflecting and projecting and allow them to avoid the
unresolved issues and pain, which means they will
continue to hurt themselves and hurt other people. You’ve got to see that
those consequences that in the beginning of your life
you were so incredibly afraid of. Things like abandonment. Things like annihilation, even. They’re so much better than a lifetime spent with other people smearing you with their
own poisoned blood. It’s so much better than
a life of the consequences that you’re gonna constantly get by being seen as the “bad guy” and the “wrong one”. We’ve got to see now,
at this point in your life, that the consequences that you
were so incredibly afraid of, things like abandonment,
things like annihilation, are in fact so much better Then the consequences you’re gonna face of being constantly seen and treated as if you’re bad and wrong. There are a lot of consequences… Torturous consequences, for being in that role in a social group. What this means is it isn’t safe. It also isn’t love. When someone’s focusing at you constantly in terms of you being the
bad one and the wrong one and then turning themselves
into the fixer of you, you have thought that has been love. That is not love in any way shape or form. That is a person feeding off of you, for the sake of their own self concept. It is consumption. It’s a form of parasitism, in order to avoid their own pain. This means as a scapegoat the hardest thing you will ever accept and the one you need to,
is that they don’t love you. They don’t! They do not take you as
part of themselves at all. Those are words that they are saying. In a universe based on
the law of mirroring, if you blame yourself, you will be blamed. It’s very important to get
yourself out of this pattern of constantly blaming yourself, so you’re not a match
to that, because yet again, extreme consequences can happen as a result of being blamed. Especially being blamed
for things you didn’t do. You are blaming yourself to maintain a sense of goodness. So you’re nothing like
those people who hurt you. But you don’t need to worry
about becoming like those people. You are more than willing
to see what you did wrong and to see that things
are negative about you. You’ve been practicing
this bravery all your life. What you do need to do
is to swing the pendulum back towards what’s healthy. It is inauthentic and not in reality to adhere to one extreme like that. The way to swing the pendulum
back towards healthy is to own up to your own authentic truth. Owning up to reality and
be responsible for that. People who scapegoat others are by definition not being authentic. They are not being authentic about their own personal desires, their own personal needs, their own personal feelings, their own personal thoughts, their own perspective. In that lack of authenticity, they’re not able to actually
do anything to resolve it. Are they? Therefore, they have to deflect and project. That means own your truth, to not be like them. Don’t blame yourself, to not be like them. The time has come to
discern what is yours, and what is someone else’s. Being in relationships with people who take
responsibility themselves will make you safe and will actually make it easier for you to see what is and isn’t yours. When two people each
look at what’s theirs, this is a healthy relationship. This is a relationship where you can change things for the benefit of expansion. If you continue to blame
yourself in order to stay good, you will be a magnet for people who love to get away
with blaming others, and never look at themselves. If you suffer from this pattern
of being scapegoated, the honest truth is I have far
too many videos to mention that will help you to escape
this type of patterning that is inherent within you, as a result of everything
you’ve experienced. But I have compiled
a tiny little list here of videos that I really suggest that you watch, like, today, if you have this issue with scapegoating. The Defective Doll
(Dysfunctional Relationships) RESPONSIBILITY
(Why, When and How To Take It) How To Call Bullshit On Denial How To Let Go of a Coping Mechanism The Hidden Truth About
Dysfunctional Relationships The Victim Control Dynamic Why You Can’t Feel Loved For Who You Are Self Concept, The Enemy of Awakening Self Hate
(The Most Dangerous Coping Mechanism) As a recovering a scapegoat, you have got to ungaslight yourself. Everyone who’s part of
a dysfunctional family or social group dynamic has
to ungaslight themselves, but especially you as a scapegoat. Your whole life has been
nothing but a Gaslight. Therefore, make reality your absolute obsession. Nobody in that social group
is going to have the same estimation of reality that you will. None of them are going
to validate your reality. Validating your reality means facing the issues themselves. Now the big thing that
happens with scapegoats that I see that bites them in the ass is that when they start to
recover their sense of reality, “Hey, maybe I’m not the problem”, they go straight back
to their family group, assuming that if they just get
their family group to “get it”, that somehow it’s all
going to improve itself. You have got to have
realistic expectations It doesn’t matter in this universe if all people “can” change. Are they going to? The answer is not always and not usually actually. In a dysfunctional family group. Therefore, running back to them hoping that they are going
to change their ways and see what you see, which is to see themselves
as dysfunctional, is highly unlikely. I need you to understand what it is you’re expecting
from other people by doing this. Because what you’re actually
expecting them to do by accepting your reality, by accepting you as good, in fact, by accepting you did nothing wrong, is to actually face their dysfunction. Many scapegoats become the truth seekers and truth tellers on our planet. And that’s perfect, you can own this role without expecting that your family is going to take it well. I’m going to give you a
really sad truth here; For the most part, you can
expect people not to change. And to be clear, this does not mean that
you should enable it by playing into the dysfunction, any more than it means you should
expect that they will change. Because of this complex trauma and anxiety that comes
out of being in this role in the social group, especially if you were
in this role as a child, I highly suggest that you pick
up a copy of my book titled: The Completion Process Which will also help you to deal with the unresolved
issues that are a leftover byproduct of this scapegoating
pattern within your own life. If you watched my video titled: Fragmentation
(The Worldwide Disease), what you will notice is that fragmentation is the
primary coping mechanism within a physical human. Now one of the ways that you coped being a scapegoat, is to create two fragments
of your own consciousness. One that’s being constantly scapegoated and another that is the scapegoater So you have an internal part that is scapegoating you. And one of the most powerful things you can do to overcome this
pattern of scapegoating is to resolve the rift between those two aspects of self. To integrate your internal scapegoat and your internal scapegoater. Another thing is that if you’ve been scapegoated, shame is the bedrock of the self-concept of someone who has been scapegoated. Shame is one of the most poorly
misunderstood things on the planet. Most people see shame in a certain way and based off of the way they see it, the advice they give you around shame actually makes the shame worse. Shame is not something in and of itself that you can necessarily do away with, because it is in fact, a biological effective reaction. It happens whenever you’re
pushing a part of yourself away from yourself, in order to establish closeness with a social group. Now obviously, given the fact that you have so many
of these deep patterns and this deep conditioning with shame, this is something that needs
a little bit more focus than the average rhetoric. For this reason, even though every single chapter in the book that I wrote called:
The Anatomy of Loneliness is going to apply to you
if you were a scapegoat, I mean every word, there is an entire section of the book completely dedicated to shame
and overcoming shame. So you can get that book,
The Anatomy of Loneliness and flip to the section on shame and start doing work on that pattern to get yourself out of this
pattern of being scapegoated. The bottom line is, the reality
of getting out of this pattern of being scapegoated is
going to be a grief process. And a grief process is going
to be even more difficult if you’re still holding on to the
fantasy of having better relationships with abusive people if only they would just get it and get the dysfunction and see themselves clearly enough to see the issues that they have. That being said, I hope that seeing especially some of the superglue that is binding you specifically
to this pattern of being scapegoated will help you to transcend this pattern. Have a good week. Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte Subtitles by the community

100 thoughts on “How To Stop Being A Scapegoat and Stop Being Scapegoated

  1. Teal I’ve messaged you and emailed you and tagged you on Twitter can you please make a video on gender dysphoria. Your transgender video wasn’t in depth enough and you should touch the topic again please for my sake I feel like I’m going to commit suicide over this

  2. The scapegoat was also typically sacrificed by spending time with goat in the family home for a number of time, typically a month, so that the children bond with the animal. Then the goat is sent out into the desert wasteland, left to wander and die.

  3. Hey Teal! Two issues we’d love to see your support on:

    The Amazon
    Marianne Williamson’s candidacy


  4. I hate the fact that I understand everything she says… it makes so much sense to me, but honestly: I'm at a point in my life where I'd rather would not want to see anything of it anymore… Depression is my way of escaping :-/
    I "felt" these patterns always since childhood, it's so obvious to me when people behave in dysfunctional patterns and I always always always took 100% responsibility for the emotional and spiritual well being (or becoming) of people around me. How crazy is that?! I started that even before Kindergarten.

  5. Hello Teal! This is the One issue I am struggling with for a very long time! Not only I can relax now into it, but I also feel this message could help all of my familiy members. I now will heal it and I will go through this gaslight. For me, this is the most important message for my transformation. Finally, I can go further.

    Thank you Teal for truth and kindness! 🙂 Eliane Lea

  6. Sooo true. I only realized the mechanisms since I had a baby myself. Now I am not accepting it any longer. My mom looks like a monster today.

  7. You are such a brilliant psychologist! Thank you for this video. Amazing analysis. Better than any psychologists or counselors I have known ever! 👍

  8. 😃😃😃😃😃thankyou this video has shown me how far I have come , how much I have healed. I already figured out that these people will never be apart of my life. 🙄 these people are toxic.

  9. I did not want to be a mother at 17 and i complained and talked about my plight to my daughter, everybody said don't tell your child you didn't want to be a mother, it will mess her up. But she has become a wonderful strong wise mother at 20 years old. I still talk openly about the course of my life, even when it was not going the way i wanted. And i feel my daughter learned a lot about being realistic, and about choosing having a child and as s result she waited until she was ready to be a mother.

  10. I'd be interested to hear ur thoughts on China's social credit system and spirituality and if you see it as a possible dystopian future if implemented within other countries worldwide…

  11. This explanation is way to linear, but doesn't fill the gaps, you forget that the energy that is promoted as to scapegoat has to find a vessel that has no sense of self to be complete with these signals. What should have been I would not have been, what has been should have gotten various ambivalent ways to be seen as. If you come to conclusions the exception is usual that what you know is only available to the part where others are known for, the dynamics after things move on can simply be seen as one becomes the adult, and the other will always be the child, you are forgiven if you see yourself as not being any of these examples as to where we/you could have fitted exactly into the linear version of it. Peaceful mind, I do not get why people tend to laugh about a subject that has some reality into it but has to be wired as not so universal. This frame should be updated, that’s where people are atm. Have a nice day.

  12. I didn't know where the term scapegoat comes from, a short Google search showed me that the goat was sent to the desert afterwards.
    Killed or sent to the desert…(?)
    As an animal lover, that broke my heart. People always put so much burden on those poor animals 🙁

    Sorry, for the off-topic.

  13. Teal is it bad to tell people my spirit animal? I have read that its not smart because it reveals your strengths and weaknesses and can make you vulnerable to psychic atacks. But you seemed to freely share your spirit plant and mineral so do what do you think about this?

  14. l dont care about whether she talks the truth about her life story, l dont care about what other people say or think (period) about her, just those messages she spreads heal our souls and we can feel it. to me she is the best

  15. Thank you, thank you so much Teal. I begin to understand more deeply all the whys that i've been living with for so long. Bless you

  16. Teal Swan, thank you for this content! I would love to hear you go more in depth about the family identified patient, how symptoms appear and dissapear, how the family reacts, how to overcome negative patterns/programming that was instilled in you, etc. Thank you again! <3

  17. I was the youngest of 4 siblings, which is the oh so common scapegoat. When one becomes a scapegoat in the family, and is being treated like a trashcan for years on end, society will quickly do the exact same thing.
    For anyone who can familiarize with this, just try to evaluate how reasonable it is that you have been wrong every single time all these people told you were wrong. You have to be 100% honest when doing so, or else never do it at all. Personally, after a lot of mental work, I've found out how much right I have been in my life, and it was only then I found out I actually am intelligent. That's why I was treated as a trashcan – just out of envy. Most people still are terrible at handling when other people are doing something right, and will rather choose foul play so the other one won't get ahead.
    Schadenfreude is something most people actually crave for, and is quite worrying to say the least. The way I personally think, is that it will benefit me when someone else is having a good day, because that means that person will most likely NOT dump his/her trash at me, or anyone else for that matter. That's why I personally would like as much people as possible to have a great life, no matter how bad my own is, because that will always benefit me, no matter. This is why I personally find it so worrying that most people just dive into schadenfreude so easily without the slightest resistance.

    Just think about it: It's being promoted just about everywhere, that we should laugh at other living beings misfortunes. Is that truly who you want to be?

  18. Yeah, I know exactly what a scapegoat is, the New World Order wants me to take the fall for all they done

  19. At 27 I finally admitted to myself that I couldn't keep going, keep letting my family use me otherwise I was mean and bad. Now at 29 I decided to search why my family hates me, and I came across scapegoating. I want to thank you for this video as you finally helped me begin the real healing process. I didn't want the damage inside of me to ever project onto others or hurt others. You are amazing and once again thank you so much xxx Why I am crying so much….

  20. I watched this to see if I'm scapegoating others – I realized I am the same level of unsafe as a scapegoat as the golden child (at 8:30 in the video) and I am gaslighting a bit

  21. Teal, you are without a doubt the person who has helped me the most besides myself – By far. Wishing you the very best luck and success ♥ may all your wishes come true! Love, Zoë X

  22. I was the family Scapegoat and one of my Brothers is the Golden Child. Funnily enough he and I are not close and don’t relate to each other. I walked away from my family (esp. my Mother who definitely didn’t want me) and now I walk away from anyone who tries to scapegoat me immediately.

  23. Brilliant video! Love your work, especially this as I have been my family scapegoat and continue to fight against those challenges. Thank you for your wisdom, namaste🙏

  24. Thank you Teal this video enabled a MASSIVE healing inside of myself and I am forever grateful for you !!! Thank you thank you thank you <3 <3 <3 I'm buying all your books. Love you so much. Life changer.

  25. Thank you for doing this video. I've been wondering why nobody seems to get it and I recently discovered that everyone in my family is dysfunctional. I have nobody to talk to that understands. Not until I make enough changes so I can start bringing psychologically healthy people into my life.

  26. I feel this has held me back professionally I remember trying to resolve problems at work and instead I just get blamed for the problems and I just took the blame.

  27. I really needed this today, thank you =D It resonates with me so hard! Its uncanny how much this aligns with my situation, and the timing it came into my life, thank you so much. I love you, Teal <3

  28. I was scapegoated
    I realised and set about every single one in that social group
    I have now scapegoated all of them and financially they are damaged
    They wanted to put me out of work and wanted me to feel uncomfortable every time I went out
    They drugged me and raped me and then took my business away
    They didn't let me know about the sexual abuse for two years then while taking away my livelihood they hurt fully let me know
    I have brutally fucked them off and anyone else they have sent to MAKE ME BETTER
    I've made these things happen through shear will
    I believe I've had supernatural help
    Like dead pool who mutated in extreme pain so did I
    I am lucky I have support from my family and now study the kybalion
    I have taken on board being in good vibration
    I have become better and I would tell anyone that counselling is not as cathartic as revenge

    Thank you for your insight and knowledge

  29. about 11:15 to 12:00 …. serious elements of my oldest sister there…(golden child who was trained to be "mother hen") and of my mother who was "trained by and supported by older sister in how to scapegoat your way to "success!"…and come out smelling like "a rose!" I know this sounds like a terrible accusation but it's an unfortunate fact…and believe it or not I've finally and truly come to see it had nothing to do with me at all…..other than maybe the fact that I actually was that person who saw the patterns and refused to act as if I didn't….regardless of the fact that it just led to more scapegoating. I would never be one of those people who could be bullied into admitting to a crime they didn't commit…(very similar dynamic). They could beat me bloody or even to death and I would actually choose that over being bullied into a complete lie.

  30. Thank you Teal swan I'm a scapegoat for my group and its horrible and sad man anyway it's time to pick myself up and move on man … thank you for your advice… peace…

  31. Teal I realize that your new office space is way better for you in the long term, but something in me misses the green screen videos 😉

  32. can you please tell me how can i get out of this pattern that you referred to on 22:51? thanks, because its very important for me

  33. How can people be sooo evil, you think it so against a mother, the love and protection for their little ones you think. It should be unacceptable and be punished, how else is that evil ever going to stop in our society?☹️❤️

  34. I am definitely the scapegoat, thank you for breaking this down. I've spent my whole life trying to please my family, my mother especially and all she's done is gaslight me and tell me to go get help or she won't talk to me. Its agonizing.

  35. anyone who deflects blame unto an innocent is nothing but a liar and a coward. shame on them. it absolves them of any guilt. low lives.

  36. underhanded scummy bastards, they create the problems and the victim suffers. trash. develop some integrity and take responsibility.

  37. It's amazing how common this is, the internet is a beautiful thing, it's saving a lot of lives. There's a very high chance I would have committed suicide or done a murder suicide if I hadn't stumbled upon all this narcissistic abuse and other abuse forms a few years ago. I had no Idea what the fuck was going on I was just always depressed and controlled constantly and now I'm in my late 20s and been watching all these videos and I've cut all ties and started a brand new life with a new career and life is much better now. I've even managed to form a few healthy relationships at my new work place. In the end I'll get educated and heal more and will be aware of the types of people and they will remain being those people. I get to live with myself and they have to live with there manipulative selves. Fuck em in the end they will lose especially now with the information being shared online and it's becoming very popular and almost mainstream. The only ones that will be hurt are the young and dumb but once they learn there free. I have a question, what happens to those people once the scape goat leaves and then there stuck with themselves?

  38. Thank you teal 🙏🏼 i wanted to watch it for so long but I was scared that you might address unrealistic solutions and that would make me feel worse.namaste❤️

  39. This video helped me a lot when I used to believe the gaslight of me being unworthy to exist. I worked through this with a therapist and, thankfully, it bothers me a lot less.
    Today, this video's tone struck me as more bitter. When I was in denial and fear, I remember that bitterness and anger helped me a lot. I am sure it helps a lot of people in a similar way.
    There is more to our journey than bitterness. After anger, there is disappointment, yes, and after that, there is grace. There is love and there is freedom.
    Lately, I've started to understand where the gaslighters in my life were coming from. They felt like they needed me – or, more accurately, the values I signified to them. Otherwise, if I was really such a problem, they would have cut me loose.
    As I see my inherent worth, I see what they tried not to see. I was not just different. In their eyes, I was better, because, in their eyes, they were worse. So anything different than them was better. This, to them, made me valuable, but at the same time, a threat to their already low self-worth.
    They never needed me, but it is valid how they felt like they did. Most of all, it is sad that they saw such weakness in their need that they had to hide it with "perfection". Perfection, of course, that came with its opposite: shame.
    As The School of Life wisely states, "the primary sin of those who made us feel ashamed was not so much that they spotted our imperfection. It's that they forgot their own, and had the gall to blame us…"
    I release their pain from my life. I set myself free.

  40. thanks for this .. so fucked other people.. we live our own rules .. it’s have been written by God. 🙏🏼🤘🏼.. prioritised ur own building character.

  41. Lol I’m a total scapegoat in my family and it’s so obvious but I really don’t give a shit cause they’re all insane and I don’t want to be a part of their bullshit, never have. They tried, real hard.. fuck them tbh

    The main ringleader is my grandma, she made me feel bad my whole life for not leaving my mom to move in with my dad.. she made me feel so guilty whenever I visited him, they lived together in another state.. she turns everyone against me.. but behind everyone’s back when we are alone, she makes little mean comments that make it clear I’m not welcome.. I’ve tried to mention it to my dad In the past and he refuses to listen so I just deal with it., listen to this, I eventually moved to the state my grandma and dad lived in as an adult and lived close where I had my first child and my dads first grandchild. Possibly his only grandchild. Before my daughter was 2 my grandma decided to move to the state I grew up in and of course my dad went with her, now she says little mean comments making it clear she doesn’t want me to visit, but then turns the whole family against me claiming it’s me not wanting to visit.. lol crazy shit tbh

  42. Thank you so much teal swan. You have litterally changed and improved my life. I believe the biggest gift in life is happiness and peace and for that i thank you.

  43. Oh that’s how the term scapegoat began. I do know that the weaker you are the more you will be scapegoated. That’s how Jewish people were.

  44. Doing with her life Teal got it wrong most women really want to be mothers its society telling them to be something "else" and they can have it all (wrong) that's the regret most women face but otherwise on target

  45. I just watched this,, Thank you so much for all of the segments you are putting out.. The rest of my life is going to be much better.. I know about the grieving process, I am experiencing it right now.. Yes, blame and shame were the two themes in my life.

  46. Thank you so much for this video. Those who want to hear will listen. There is no self-reflection or fixing "misunderstandings" on the part of the truly guilty one. He just labels, blaims, and stonewalls another. An unfortunate exception is when he manipulates, only to gain the position of having the final word because he sees it as winning.

  47. Sometimes you can as a good friend be scapegoated.For example a friend’s husband whom she is divorcing May blame you and accuse you of pushing his wife to divorce him.I know this because it happened to me.Sadly My Friend stood on the side and let her husband threaten to kill me and all the horrible things he was saying to me.I will never stand up for a friend even if they are being abused .They can call the police themselves if they feel threatened!!

  48. I just found tapes made dating back over 45 years that had my grandmother teaching my mom how to "warehouse" me . she willingly did it but also in these tapes and letters making fun of me, my nose, said i just looked ugly… Made things up that they said I did, wrote letters that i was a zero kid and never believe anything i said.. Also sent me to a family predator as a punishment for wetting the bed.
    Unknowingly after 25 yrs … I was unexpectedly asked to go get my grandmother out of a rehab after a mild TIA plus injury to her back. I was the only one that went to take care of my grandmother and had no idea these things existed but validated my entire life feeling unloved and hated…
    I found these things I mentioned cleaning up as I took care of my grandmother who went blind many years ago so she was no longer able to see the evidence she left behind.. I always felt bad vibes and placed in dangerous situations, physically and abused in many ways.
    I was lied about and yet asked to go take care of my grandmother. My mom on one the tapes actually laughed at me being hurt by a family predator and also said no one wanted me w laughter between both my mom and grandmother.
    This abuse went deep. I had walked away 25 yrs from this family and had a beautiful life far away from the family yet hard at times w depression. I had amazing friends and the most amazing boyfriends. I finsihed school on my own and went on to graduate college against all odds.
    I got used to a healthy life and people. Then when the call came to ask that I go to help my grandmother, I did with honor. I thought it was an olive branch being gifted and I wanted to show I was honorable by accepting the request. This was done with no reserve or thought of the repercussions of waking away from my career and social support. I just felt it would be ok and with Love it would just have a way of working out.
    I had something to give. Unconditional love.
    I went thinking it was the right and honorable thing to do plus i wasnt like them. I learned and had a validated reality going to care for my grandmother and it comes w a price. I became incapacitated. My grandmother passed away recently and …. Not one family member came to her funeral. I left my life behind and career.. 10 years. A lesson learned but im left trying to now resolve what I have done and how can I get my life back. I dont regret being true to what i believed was right. Not one of the family loved me. I never knew others even experienced this.
    Now my mom is widowed and alone. Now she needs me.
    I have been drained in all ways mentally, financially, emotionally and lost 10 yrs of my career. I put a significant time in my life and own the mistake i made doing this… But it's taken 10 yrs of taking the role of taking care of my grandmother.
    Im horrified. I almost feel like a hole has reentered my soul. I feel as if walking away was sabotaged by my willingness to come back.
    Im babbling now. Im heartbroken but thankful for your video. Now I have to find a way to utilize this and save my life. Literally. Blessings to you and all that have suffered this.

  49. Thank you Teal. I was the family scapegoat and you have really helped me. I will try not to take responsibility for everything! I think it's going to help me at work. Thank you!!!

  50. Walked into a family (in laws) the strong one. Scapegoated big time. I'm not buying any of it. I'm just not telling them that.

  51. Great video, and great info. Quality is great, but just some constructive criticism, when the camera angle shifts it gets darker and doesn't flow with the rest of the video. If it was the same brightness and tone it would be great. Maybe for next time. 🙂 Other wise very helpful and insightful.

  52. Safe fix u but punch u around. Love and safety blame and be fixed. Deflection and projection don't take responsibility obsess with being good and right don't seem fault and blame all the time. In love with opposite blame and take responsibility is feel good take full responsibility and blame feel safe. Blaming themselves how they are not victim. Automatically do it no other option if I stopped doing it. If I didn't take responsibility what would happen. Other person responsibility if they feel they have a problem and issue they should resolve it. Hyperresponsibiliy. If I was this person would I want myself to be doing that. Stop enabling. What isn't and is mine fear of abandonment and violation consequences of this are better than being treated bad or wrong and fixer. Feeding themself or pain. They don't love u. If u don't love yourself you won't be blamed. Sense of goodness. Being responsibility for ourselve. Don't blame and own your truth. Good relationship what is and if isn't good look at what theirs. Blame for good

  53. Wow..Teal so true..that was and is me. Am adopted unwanted scapegoat. I always wondered what was wrong me. No self esteem and not knowing myself ..full of self doubt but also knowing something wasnt right..with them.not me. Took till my late 30s to be in understanding and total acceptance of myself. Im an ok person..better than ok. I cut ties from the toxic family..and true,they dont love you. And now i after years of hurt and grieving..i dont love them.
    You nailed this perfectky

  54. “You’re only frame of reference for closeness with other people is when they’re trying to fix you now”. Well that just hit home like a gut punch.
    Best information I’ve ever found on scapegoating. Thank you so much Teal.

  55. Wow, I have never had my story told so accurately. At 10:08 through (well the entire thing, but)13:10 is my sister…my whole life! This is the most thoughtful and accurate accounting of scapegoating and gas lighting I have ever seen. Thank you for validation!

  56. that shows how religion ruins everything in countries highly based on religion, which is also the shadow of the new age, not seeing the meriads of faults of religion and just kindly excepting all of the garbage, especially when excepting islam's shitty concepts and ideas which plague the whole planet if you didn't notice

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