If Your Town Had a Fashion Show

If Your Town Had a Fashion Show


It’s finally here! Southern Fashion Week has arrived! What can we expect from this week’s show, Kelly? A lot of the same, Rod. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. And here comes our first model, Chase, who’s wearing a stunning ensemble that screams, “I overpaid for a cooler.” He is fully immersed in that Salt Life, despite living more than 300 miles away from the nearest body of salt water. This whole outfit is absolutely marvelous, Kelly! I know! He’s like a Kenny Chesney song come to life! It’s playful, sporty, and has just enough sophistication to say, “Guy Harvey is my favorite painter.” Is that a Landshark?! It may be 10am here but it’s 5 o’clock somewhere, Kelly. Oh and he is using a bottle opener on that twist cap! Yes he is. He’s got a personality as bright as that 30A sticker on the back of his 4Runner. Ok, now this is timeless Southern attire. You cannot steal this look! Not unless your initials are LRM too. Lisa Rae Morris is killing this head-to-toe monogram look! From her monogram scarf to her monogram shirt to her monogram necklace to her monogram bracelet to her monogram shoes! (deep breath) There’s no telling how many embroidery machines had to die for this look! And they don’t stop coming! There is yet another monogram! We all knew that color-coordinated tumbler was gonna make an appearance. The real question is: What is she drinking? Whatever she wants, Rod! She doesn’t have to remember her own name. It’s all over her entire body! And what do we have here? Kelsie is sporting a look that can be seen on every college campus across the South. I’m calling it. This is the highlight of the show. I love how this look says, “I don’t want to be here.” And those Chaco sandals? Those are the perfect way to showcase that Bible verse tattoo she got freshman year. Those sandals are durable and rugged. Perfect for most outdoor adventures. But especially standing in line at the Chick-fil-A. And there she goes. The only thing she leaves behind are the whispers of older people saying, “Is she wearing pants?” Don’t worry. There’s Nike shorts under there. Or as the kids call them: Norts. And here comes crowd favorite Granny looking absolutely marvelous! I am in love with those tops! Well, they’re sewn together so technically, it’s just one top! Granny is ready for a day out on the town paying all of those bills in person! Or a nice Wednesday night out at church. And judging by the length of those pants, I’d say she’s also ready for a flood! Yes, Granny! I love that energy! Uh oh. Granny is not happy with JC Penney right now. She thought her coupon would be applied after the store discount and it. was. not. If they’re not careful, she will cancel that JC Penney credit card and take her business back to Belk. Next down the aisle is McKayla with a look you’re sure to see walking down the aisles of your local Wal-Mart. Now, we have been dying to see what this year’s pajama print will be. And it looks like Olaf is the new Cookie Monster! It is beautiful! Styles may come and go, but you know what always stays the same? Those designer bags under her eyes, Kelly. I think they’re Gucci. Oh! And check out those slippers! Those unicorns have seen unspeakable horrors, Kelly. And there’s the Monster that ties the whole ensemble together! Yeah it gives her just enough energy to get through the day but not enough to put her shirt on correctly. And there’s Bill! Now this is how you end a fashion show! Bill is slaying it with those blinding white New Balances! You know, those are gonna make the best grass cutting shoes in about 3 or 4 years. Now that shirt is made for fishing but tonight it’s made for Bloomin’ Onions. Because Bill is taking the entire family to Outback Steakhouse. Whoa! There it is! He’s backing his pickup truck into the parking spot at Outback! A classic dad power move! Just look at him go, Kelly! So much confidence! He looks like he walks into the Home Depot and the employees ask HIM where stuff is located! There’s just one question left unanswered: What’s in all those pockets? There are so many of them! What mysteries do they contain? I guess we’ll never know, Kelly. Well, Rod, it looks like it’s gonna be another banner year for Southern fashion. I could not agree more, Kelly. And I can’t wait to see what’s in store for the winter line! I gotta feeling it’s gonna be the exact same thing. Ok, I’m gonna go change back into my norts.

100 thoughts on “If Your Town Had a Fashion Show

  1. I know a brother and sister that match the 1st and 3rd model perfectly, and their mom, who happens to do monograms as a side hustle, matches the 4th model! They are true southerners!

  2. This may be one of my favorites! I'm wondering if y'all would do the Scottish man again, but let him try some home cooked meals? I've been thinking about this a whole lot! He should try dressing instead of stuffing. Home made cheese straws. A sausage biscuit, not from an Establishment not the sausage and gravy mush. I'm like let him out a little red eye gravy on just the top part so the bread soaks up a little. Get him some jambalaya, some West Indies Salad, he lives in Mobile! He needs to try some casseroles! I am picturing him going to a church night supper, and having some fellowship, then hitting the local brew pub for a big sampler of local brews. Or, he could come to a Friday at the Fairhope Brew with all of our food trucks! I mean so many great southern foods.

  3. 😂😂😂😭🤣🤣🤣 I nearly spit my drink out when Bill came out in the white New balance! My husband wore those til I put my foot down!😂😂😂

  4. There’s a few men in my office who love to wear those fishing shirts lol. One thing y’all left off that I see a lot at this time of the year – men wearing winter coats with shorts (cargo of course) and flip flops. 😂

  5. Gittum Granny! We liked Belk's better anyhow! Teehee! But we all know Granny has a card for both stores AND Sears even though they are closing.

  6. You folks are too funny! This Northerner (yes, it's true!) has recommended your insights and observations to all my friends, family and even foes who live north of the Mason/Dixon line—OH, and west of the Rocky Mountains, even! keep them videos a-comin'!!

  7. McKayla is me dropping youngest off at school all the way to the inside out shirt and a Monster in hand! Is she my long lost sister?

  8. Honestly I am the college girl(I am not in college, but still) just with a short-sleeved shirt instead. Idk how in the world y’all can handle wearin long sleeves. I just get so hot with em on. I wear sweaters occasionally in winter and hoodies, but like…

  9. Where's the Crocs, basketball shorts, and tanktop combo? You gotta show off those biceps that are significantly paler than your forearms.

  10. “WOAH! He’s backing his pickup truck into the Outhouse parking space! A classic dad power move.”
    I laughed so hard 🤣

  11. Even up here in western Canada, that Walmart girl is accurate, if not actually overdressed. In our Walmart, I once saw a 400lb+ woman in a bikini top and cut-off jean shorts. Some things you simply cannot unsee!

  12. God, I hate number three. I don’t shame people over the walk of shame look but looking like that all the time is annoying.

  13. Okay, but that last look is what my dad wears any time he gets dressed up to go somewhere nice. I fried it into my brain as normal nice clothing. I never knew it was originally for fishing!

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