Lady in the Water (Part 2) – Nostalgia Critic

Lady in the Water (Part 2) – Nostalgia Critic


*Intro Music* So, fearing this story is sounding one hundred percent like coke ravings, Korean Britney Spears brings back the dramatic tone. Just try to listen to this with any hint of seriousness. “A thousand Narfs is about a rare Narf.” “Who comes once in a generation of a Narfs.” *Hysterical Laughter*
“Who is called the Madam Narf.” “Who is called the Madam Narf.” “A Scrunt will do anything to
kill a Madam Narf!” “Even forget his fears of the Tartutic.” *More Hysterical Laughter*
“And it is the Madam Narf herself.” “Does she know that she is a Madam Narf?” Okay… I’m sure Shyamalan is hearing this
really intense dramatic story, But to the rest of the world all we can hear is… A thousand (Narf)s Rare (Narf) The madam (Narf) kill a madam (Narf) The madam (Narf) herself She know that she is a madam (Narf)? once in a generation of a (Narf)s I would give anything if the twist to this movie was that The entire time, it was Pinky and the Brain trying to take over the world. Literally, every single problem
would be fixed if they just do that twist. It’s a Warner Brothers’ movie, make
it happen! Speaking of which- The master writer himself is told that his writing is going to change the world. And give inspiration, I shit you not here, to the future president. “This boy, will become leader of this country.” “And begin a movement of great change.” But also, yeah, gets even better, His ideas will be so dangerous that someone will eventually take his life because of them. And yet he still chooses to write the story. Sacrificing himself not only for his art
but for the world. Wow! Is it… windy on that egotistical high
horse that you built for yourself? I mean, Christ, you can see his boner
growing with every praising word. “He will speak of you and your words.” *Stretching Sounds* “Your book will be the seeds of many of his great thoughts.” *More Stretching Sounds* “It will be the seeds of change.” *Even More Stretching Sounds* *Explosion Sound* Ohh! Now that’s a messy story. So Giamatti is told that Rofio’s mother will only tell the rest of the story if she can see him like a child. “You have to make her see you as a child. Innocent.” So, ahhh… I can’t even… just watch. *Grunt* *Throaty Sigh* “Tell her it’s a beautiful story.” *Foreign Language* “Are there… are there any parts that might be good to hear?” *More Foreign Language* *Soft Laughter* Okay… So… let’s say this represents the
world of sanity. And this represents the edge of sanity. And this represents the world of insanity. You would be on Mars, you are so friggin’ gone. Because we have no idea where the hell you are to come up with a scene this goddamn bonkers! I mean, what the hell is going on? Is this what you do with all your Oscar nominated actors? Make them look like they’re jerking off sideways while peeing like a dog? That’s not acting like a child. That’s acting like three lobotomies were given to you, in maple syrup! What are you?! So the (Narf) can’t say anything about her world for… Reasons… But it’s okay because she touches her ear to answer yes or no questions. As that doesn’t count for… reasons. So there’s a Symbolist, a Guardian, a
Healer, and a Guild he’s supposed to find in order to help her. And before you say anything, yes, this
“simple bedtime story” Is as goddamn complicated as a freaking D&D game! “Do you know who the Symbolist or
Interpreter is?” I don’t know. let’s roll the dice to find out! *Dice rolling on table sounds* So he goes to the crossword guy and his increasingly strange son. “This picture on a cereal box is supposed to make you feel happy.” “I feel sad like that time you forgot to pick me up at school.” Are we in Wonderland? He finds the others as well and takes them to a naked cut up lady he’s keeping in his shower This raises no concerns. “Interpreter will tell us what to do.” “Nine letters across… is the word essential.” “I *Stutter* I thought that was weird.” *Emmm* Really? THAT’S weird? You’re using a crossword puzzle to predict the future in front of a naked woman Who’s been kidnapped by the sideways guy And THAT’S friggin’ weird?! Which I said… The funny thing is, even by bedtime story standards, there’s practically no action in any of this. I mean, did Shyamalan actually read this to his kids every night? And then they sat around the shower for a bit doing crosswords, As Mr. Heep toured the apartments for a fifth time to talk to even more people. Daddy, can you read us “Snow White”? Kids, that story doesn’t have nearly enough references to another story to make it interesting. This is a bedtime story for a new
generation. But its boring, we can barely stay awake. That means it’s working. So he apparently can see the Scrunt by walking backwards and looking in the mirror. Why? Because it’s less complicated than doing jumping jacks and looking through a fruit loop. Just get used to nothing being explained. The Scrunt scares him away, but to be fair you were asking Paul Giamatti to protect you, What you think was going to happen? In fact you saved him the first time, You really thought this was the guy was gonna be on top of things? There is no originality left in the world, Mr. Heep. So they work on a new strategy. “The Scrunt will hide unless he can’t hide in his environment.” Doesn’t that go without saying? He’ll hide unless he can’t hide? So they decide to throw a party to distract the Scrunt, Yeah, always good to
throw other people’s lives in there, As we’re realizing getting closer and closer to the end That this really shouldn’t have been called “Lady in the Water”. She barely does a friggin’ thing! What they should have called it is “Whispering”, Because that’s all anybody does! *Whispering* “Turn it up! Turn it up!”
*Continued whispering* So they wait for the eagle to come and get her as apparently nobody in the party would notice THAT, But hey, if they don’t notice a grass dog attacking a woman and dragging her into the woods, I guess they wouldn’t notice that either. Oh! By the way, a grass dog attacks her and drags her into the woods. *Bark* Oh no! This is terrible! What should we do? More crosswords! “No… no… I don’t know.” But big shock! They start
to ask “What if this is all a little crazy?” “Why are you so certain that I’m the
Interpreter and they are the Guild?” “I asked someone.” “What kind of person would be so arrogant to presume to know the intention of another human being Who has put this young girl’s life in jeopardy?” What heartless demon who gives points of view on art has doomed mankind for all eternity? *Gasp*
The critic! *Booing sounds* If only he praised Shyamalan, I mean any random writers of their genius! But no! He had to point out the faults of movies like Signs, I mean any random story! This is all so obviously about Shyamalan, I mean Shyamalan, I mean Shyamalan, I mean you! If you were Shyamalan. Look at this.
He writes the critics so one-dimensionaly That he actually confuses real life for a movie. “Precisely the moment where the mutation or beast will attempt to kill an unlikable side character.” “In stories where there has been no prior cursing, nudity, killing, The unlikable character will narrowly escaped, And may even be given a humorous moments to allow the audience to feel good about.” *Bark* *Laughing*
I’m sorry… *Gasp*
This… this is really hard. *Laughing*
It’s really hard for me to get through this. *Gasping* *Stutters*… Cause that’s all
they are. That’s all critics are. It’s literally just… “My life is a movie,
everything is connected to movie, I am robot, I judge and hate everything!” “There is no personal vendetta going on at all.” “It is about you, the personal artists at home it is not about one individual person.” “Who… probably is in this film somewhere.” “I mean, I can’t see him at all it’s just too subtle, But maybe he’s in the movie!” *laughing*
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, this is so unprofessional and I should just stay serious, That won’t happen again I like just get out a little bit more- *more laughing* OK, OK, won’t happen again, I promise. *Grunt* So… After that “stellar” satire criticism,
really SNL-worthy, They start to wonder if anyone else
could possibly be the Interpreter. “The hands of the Guild will be needed plus two others.” “It is a ceremony of seven sisters.” “Sisters? The guild is women?” “You’ll need a man who has no secrets.” *Spasm Sounds*
“And one whose opinions are highly respected as witnesses.” “Touch together with their hearts as one to bring strength to the moment.” “You’ll need a man who has no secrets.” “And one whose opinions are highly respected as witnesses.” *Insane Laughter* *Insane Laughter*
Oh! My god! *Insane Laughter* *Gasping* People at home, You are not stoned, you are not high, You are seeing this correctly! A little boy, with incredible detail, is predicting the future of an ancient civilization… By staring at cereal boxes! Cereal boxes! *Laughing*
Oh my God, I am crying, I am actually crying, this is so funny! *Gasping* What is he going to see? The cookie Crook’ll go cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs when Captain Crunch’s neck go Snap Crackle and Pop,
and it’ll be “grrrrreat”? What? Were the fortune cookies too hard to understand? *Laughing* I can’t breathe! “Almost three, this will all be over in moments.” Now, onto the spice rack, where I will predict the second coming of Jesus! *Gasping* *Laughing*
Oh my god! Oh! I just came a bit. “I read it wrong, I thought it said she’ll lead a ceremony of Seven Sisters to bring strength to the moment.” But it really just said “Cinnamon Toast Crunch”. It turns out Giamatti has to be the healer because… Well, Symbolically, it ties to his family
and that dead horse is so kicked You can see the Nike symbol indented into it. It, of course, brings her back to life as the big Shyamalan twist is finally revealed. Oh my God! Reggie! Reggie, just keep looking in his eyes *Thunder Strike* Oh my god! It takes place at the Cove Wait! I already knew that. Why’d you
cut to that? What the hell’s the twist? He’s the Guardian Reggie’s the Guardian. Wow! I didn’t know Cliffnotes could serve as twists now I mean uh, ohhh you really got me, ahhh! To look at the movie a whole different way now… And then apparently these things come out. *Wild Hauling* I am Groot.
Your ass is grass. *Eagle Sound* The Eagles are coming! The Eagles are coming! *Pleasant Music* And, no kidding, That’s the ending. Yeah, the Eagle picks
her up and it just stops. Even Giamatti has a look on his face like: “That’s it?
Are you kidding me?” “My two minute cameo in Downton Abbey was worth more of my time than this!” People, I know “The Happening” is fun… But… Where else can you see a Narf outrunning a Scrunt, With Paul Giamatti waving his leg and touching himself in front of two women, Helped by a guy who can predict the future through crosswords, Who gave birth to a prophet who can read mythologies that are part of a complete breakfast, With a critic who dares call this all insane portrayed as the bad guy, With tree Hulks beating up grass stains with teeth, While a giant eagle picks up a whispering tart whose only job was to tell a person to write a book, And the twist centers around a guy
we saw only for two minutes in the opening. How can this not be a masterpiece of madness? Complete and total entertaining madness. So, to show my appreciation for this,
incredible experience I am finally going to give Shyamalan exactly what he wants. *Dramatic Music* *Dramatic Music*
You summoned? *Dramatic Music* Sit down Shyamalan. Alright. *Soft Music* Tell me about… Your genius method in making this film. Really? *Soft Music* Well, I was trying to get across how
creative artists are always kept down by cynicism. Ah! So the woman’s story actually
represent the artist’s story. Yeah, I never knew if I made that clear
enough. And am I correct in thinking that The character of the critic is a subtle
jab to people who don’t understand your work? Exactly! You don’t think that came off too strong, do you? Of course not. I thought it was downplayed actually. So, I wanted to get across that all the people in the world who criticize, They are the real death of dreams. And how did you come up with those incredible names? It sounds like it came from a language that’s existed for years. That was my intention. You see, I’m a big fan of creating other worlds. And other worlds have different sounding names. So I said to myself: “What sounds weird and otherworldly?” A Narf! You just hear that word and immediately you think a beautiful woman. *Intro Music* (Narf)

100 thoughts on “Lady in the Water (Part 2) – Nostalgia Critic

  1. Isn't this movie attempted murder?
    Not successful but …. I think it's out to kill critics, or at least scar them mentally the likes we only saw Foodfight doing it!

  2. The names sound like the kind of names KickThePj would come up with 😂😂😂 (Only with his stories they actually work)

  3. We gotta get full Shamylan and Nick Cage, Chris Walken, John Malcovich and Keanu Reeves and Kristen Stewart together. Yeah Keanu+ Kristen have to be a romantic focus.

  4. This movie to me should be called "The writer who was down on his luck and thusly wrote a very confusingly put together movie about a naked lady and a grass demons."

  5. In that scene where the kid was predicting the future with cereal boxes, I'm pretty sure none of the cereals shown were real, but in the direct center, the biggest box to see, is waffle crisp. Of all of shyamalan's ideas, this is one I can really get behind. Someone make that a real ceral, because it would be the best.

  6. 1:07 not kidding, I joked to myself "the presidents children" when doug was about to say who the writer's writings will inspire XD I have no idea why I did, it wouldn't have even been a funny joke.

    Believe me or not, it's funny to me nonetheless

  7. I stared at my Cornflakes and I saw the visions of how Flight 347 crashed, the true identity of Jack the Ripper and that Illuminati are aliens and are gonna conquer the world disguised as SJWs

  8. Brine what are we gonna do tonight? The same we do Ever night, Pinky. Try to take the word with Lady in the water.

  9. Someone please PLEASE make his hysterical laughing into a meme XD he sounds like a really annoying bird XD

  10. 1:00 Warner Bros Movie1:42 Wow2:06 messy story2:16 really can't just watch2:30 watch2:46sanity3:20 what r u3:55 roll a dice4:13 wonderland4:20 raises no concern , that's werid?5:25 less complicated than , nothing explained5:37 think was going to happen, saved him the firstime5:50 go without saying 6:08 barely does a thing6:27 wouldn't notice7:07 heartless demon8:10 hard too watch9:11 bang on desk10:33 can't breathe11:58 thending

  11. The funniest part about this is that Shyamalan is going against his own words when he villainies the critic. Because he says that he supports individualism, so by making the critic the villain he is saying that having different opinions on things is bad which goes against individualism.

  12. OK now I have to see this movie because I believe it is this nonsensical! The little boy reading cereal boxes? Nope something has to be missing! Aliens gave him powers or he's some kind of X-man.

  13. okay this is the weirdest idea i ever heard. the beginning sounded interesting but it was so dumb. seriously m. night shamallama, stop stroking your ego, this was a horrible movie, nothing made sense, your magical creature was dull as a tree attacking people, you are not creative, even in your fable you had so many plot holes in just twenty seconds. go back to a writing college and learn to tell a good story. this isn't a masterpiece this is just insane. why did the woman have to see the guy as a kid? it was creepy and weird just tell him the stupid fable and get on with it. and work on your characters how was the work out dude the guardian we never see him fight or anything and what was up with that kid? this was a mess just learn to tell a story just wow.

  14. The fact that this entire complex was built for Shyamalan, with all production being moved to Philadelphia because he said so – never ceases to astonish and frustrate me.

  15. Dude, you are TOO loud. i always know i've come across a reflection of myself & need to dial it WAY back, when someone shouting abt unfair use puts me to sleep or someone laughing like a maniac wakes up my NEIGHBORS ! (Seriously, my whole apartment bldg just made the universal sound for "turn down your tv".) Unfortunately, you're laugh was so loud, long, & over-the-top, they heard my CELL PHONE!!!

  16. when this movie was still in theaters a buddy and me got bored and it was the only movie we hadnt seen……suffice it to say we both woke up to an empty theater as the guy was cleaning it……first and last time i ever slept through nearly an entire movie lol

  17. I come from the future to say… Shamalamadingdong might have actually influenced Donald Trump…. Oh god, it's Happening! everyone, get to the bunkers and don your foil hats! someone call shamamalama, tell him to look out for grassy knolls!

  18. YOU WOULD BE ON MARS YOU'RE SO FRIGGIN' GONE!
    In fact, you're so far gone, you couldn't even tell that's a picture of the moon during an eclipse.

  19. At the end credits of lady in water, he writes on them something to his kids like, "now go to bed. Ok one last story." Something like that. I remember this because before my mom died, (tragically watching this) we saw that and laughed saying, "I bet his kids are begging for him to stop!" That was so bad.

  20. i can accept people defending twilight, batman v superman, star wars prequels and sequels, michael bay transformers, etc. i can accept people hating on godfather, MCU movies, citizen kane, spider verse, dark knight trilogy, etc. i WILL NOT accept people that seriously can defend this movie with no hesitation. seriously, what is this movie? happening was so bad its funny. last airbender was bad, after earth was boring. THIS is something else

  21. "On to the Spice Wrack, where I will predict the second coming of Jesus!!"
    That's my favorite line from this XD

  22. I bet you this a movie idea straight out of shamylans mind when he was high af. All to feed his egotistical self!

  23. Story has a gothic niece name scary story
    Psychopathic liar uncles named fake story and bullshit story
    A comedic cousin name funny story
    And a black sheep aunt name tragic story

  24. see what I was saying in my comment on part one? Even Critic made the NARF connection to Pinky and the Brain

    I realize the videos have been out for a while but I got around to watching them late

    holy sh*t you can learn a lot from a cereal box nowadays

  25. I honestly have no idea what just happened. I rewatched parts of the video over and over and I still don't know the plot or what happens except for the cereal box scene and I still don't know what he said

  26. I just watched this movie because: I was bored; I heard how bad it was and had to see for myself; and wanted to understand all the comments more than I wanted to watch this POS movie. And, it was really bad. It was like a story someone created while high on hallucinogens. I love a good sci-fi story even more than the next guy. But, the story has to make sense on some level. And, the characters have to act like some real people might act. No one would act the way these characters acted in this movie. The "Healer" would have been carted off to the funny farm while people shook their heads sadly. Let's say we buy in. How about getting a shotgun and a couple of torches and go hunting for this wicker hell hound? There, I just finished the movie and got Narf back home in time to watch a good movie. BTW, why not just provide a couple of guides to go with her? All she has to do is inspire one guy simply by meeting him. Meet dude. Go home while guards hack at the wood-wolf with a machete.

  27. And I thought the movie about the killer tire with telekinesis was ridiculous… At least that one probably knew it was ridiculous. With this I couldn’t even tell if it was intended or not. I mean what were the actors supposed to do with lines talking about narfs? They tried damnit but even in the most serious tone they’re still saying narf…

  28. Okay I only like The Last Airbender for the martial arts I've never love Danny and Night shyamalan movie andin the first half of this review I was about to say this movie doesn't look that bad but when I saw Paul Giovanni act like a child I realized this movie is so messed up it is way too crazy to be insane this movie is fucked up

  29. 2:34

    I had to watch the video several times to understand what the actor said. Because the actor's Korean was very badly pronounced. I'm even the KOREAN!

    Shyamalan had to hire at least someone who could speak Korean. And he should have studied more about Korean culture. There is no such stupid story in my country. >:(

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