NO HOPE… ONLY BARBARIAN… | Civilization 6 – Part 2


Hello, everybody! My name is Markiplier and welcome back to Civilization. Now, we got surrounded on both sides here, which probably means that we’re gonna die in a horrible, horrible way… but that’s not what Teddy would do! Teddy would… Ow Geez! Teddy would rally his troops and get out there and fight these douchebags. *Burping* So that’s what I’m gonna do, maybe I don’t know. Military tradition, that sounds good. Clear a Barbarian outpost? Isn’t that what I did? Or is that the thing that makes it able to do that? *Mid-burp* I~ forget which but imma figure out how to fight these guys So, I got my dude there. But I don’t wanna go out and attack ’cause… Well, you know I probably should… HAAAAH!! We’re goin’ getcha! hooo-bub-eee-boob-bub-eee-boo! Because maybe we’ll heal over the turn, considering… they’re gonna, like, ya know.. fortify or whatever. Ah, shit! Weeeell, we’re foocked *in a sing-song tune* I don’t know what we’re gonna do, but you need to build a gawdam farrmm They’re gonna- They’re gonna raze our farms, I know that. All right, next turn. C’mon, bring it on! Hey! Hey, you wanna fight me? OOh, me? You. want. to. fight. meeeee??? Oh, I don’t think so! HO! I don’t think so! I think they’re afraid to attack me, because I’m fortified in the city, which means that they would have a severe dis… NOOO! Come back! Come baaack! NOOooOO! Oh, God! I did not know that we left the… mmmmm….that’s no good. Well, city is undefended and there’s… barbarians on the horizon, so… whenever you guys feel like coming back. I should’ve waited for the other barbarians to be done. Oh! Oh, okay! Fortify. Alrighty then! We’re ju…we’re just gonna sit here and wait. Oho! announcer: “…wetted clay and then left it. as if there would be bricks by chance and fortune.” Hmm…okeh? All right. So, we got… OH Our barbarian is finished! [slight joy] OH, hell yeah! We can raise hell on these guys. *gasp* We can get the hanging gardens… oooh plantation! Niiice. Yeesss. Yes, we need that. Oo! We need that so badly. Oh, we need that so badly. Okay, we’re gonna get that. We’re doing good. I could make another…dude. But, you know…for now I’m gonna focus. I think we got this handled… I’mma build a set-lerr. These guys are brand-new and fresh. We’re gonna get a victory on these A-holes. We’re gonna tr- Why? Err, what? Which way did you go? Okay, whatever. You know what, I’mma assume you know what’s best… and you guys can’t hit ’em ’cause you’ll die. Alrighty, then. How’s everything going on in… in Charleston? And how do I rename things? Damn it! Damn it! I…I don’t think there’s a way to rename the cities. I wanted to name them, like… Dick-ing-ton All right, next turn. Okay, you guys, bring it on. Bing-bong, bring it on. All day long wut-did-ya-doooo? [disapointment] …being the only one who knows you’re afraid. Uuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh…. Why’d you do that? Ahhh…great general. I don’t want that. God! They boned my farm! You pillaged it! Why’d you do that? Diiick. We’re gonna victory on your face. Oh, god. They pillaged the farm and then they got health back! The A-Holes! It’s what barbarians do. They’re dicks! All right. Get ’em! Major victory. Habooski. Oh, God. That di- AAAAHH! Ffffff- Frick you. Just a little “frick”. Little flicky frick. A ffflick of fffrick… in your face. All right. Thiz…thizz…thiz…dudn’t look good. Well, we might kill ’em… Maybe I should go these guys first, ’cause they’re gonna kill ’em. You’re dead now! Oh, oh, hoho! What’s that? Aha! Awe! You’re dead and your horsie is gonna go swimming in the ocean! Okay, bye All right, then. Well, we got that, which is still pillaged. Which is bad Okay. You guys need to fortify until healed. (x2) What are we building? Oh, we’re building a settler, okay. Shabooski. Who did that? Why do I keep getting rumbles and jumbles? Oh! You grew ’cause you got so much food! HELL YEAH! Get that craff! If you don’t get that craff I’mma be very pissed. I should’ve made my other thing over there, but… whatever. Okay. Fortify ’till healed. HARR! Oh, yeah! There’s more scouts… We need to kill them. But not now… we’re gonna wait. We’re gonna wait and eventually be going — Whoa! Announcer: “Thousands have lived without love… not one without water.” Oh… Well, that’s depressing. Okay… Thanks for having some insightful commentary on what the hell we’re doing here. All right. We need to mine because we got these two stone things right by our place and we need to get those mines going because that’s going to make production go: WOOO! Okay. They’re healed. Okay, good… So, I’mma send-uh… I’mma send these dudes over to Charleston. Can you just go to Charleston, please? Boobityboop. Okay… So, you’re gonna just fortify because… I feel like keepin’ ya nearby. “An unmet player has finished building the world wonder of Stonehenge.” Oh! Good job! You put a bunch of rocks on top of rocks. Oh! Way to go! You are a- an amazing… species. Err…civilization. Whatever you are… idunno. I like to think that my people aren’t exactly human. All right. You just stay there. Keep Washington safe. bip bop bap babbitty boo boo yop bop babydy boo Announcer: “When you find yourself in a hole, quit digging.” Oh… I don’t know what that has to do with anything we were doin’ there, but you fortify there. Err…fortify ’till healed. Err, no. You jist fortify. You know what, actually…nevermind. You… I don’t know. Do something. Do something with your life, man. Explore this southern tip here, and stay there! We~ neeeed… …would like bronze-working. But we’ve been working on this horseback riding. I’mma finish it. ‘Cause the rough riders will ride again! “Need more housing: Charleston needs more housing to keep growing. If this continues, we will have difficulty gaining new citizens.” Well, I don’t have any builders. So, how ’bout you screw yourself? Okay? I don’t have any builders. We’re out of builders. I got one set-lerr comin’ in and he’s gonna get that CRAFF! Oh, hell yeah. Oh, heeeeell yeah. *gasp* There’s craff over there. Oh, it’s charming? Well, what about this one? It’s bbrrreathtaking? *spitting* Oh, but they get whales over there… Okay, you’re gonna settle over there and we’re gonna get whales and we’re gonna get CRAFF. Gonna get all this shit. Hanging gardens…why do I want that? I don’t want that. That sounds like bullshit. A. Buncha. Ass. If you ask me. Ah, we need more builders. What are you doing? Just fortify. What are YOU doing? For-fortify! Next. HEY! Oh! It’s the classical era! Announcer: “A man on a horse is spiritually as well as physically bigger than a man on foot.” This is true. I mean… I can’t argue with that. Announcer: “A strong economy begins with a strong, well-educated workforce.” I completely agree. Now, whip them into shape and get the factories working. I want a bunch of sweatshops. I want no breaks. They work 16 hours a day. They get two hours of sleep, and then… force-feed them for the rest of the… the…the 6 hours of the day. Th-that’s free-time, I guess. Okay, I need urban planning… I’m gonna get… Yeah, we need a lot of builders because we…we… I just need to be able to improve stuff. Wait. Oh, yeah… CONFIIIRM. Okay. BAM. Okay. You found a city there. You do that thing. Boink. Bawstin? Oh, and it’s cold. It’s just like Boston. That’s adorable. Oh, that’s we-he-he-eird… Is that America?!? Is that representative of what America is? I mean, I can’t argue with it. It kind of looks like America They even got the monument right then and there. Okay, fine. I’m-I’m not gonna… I’m not gonna argue. Bronze-working? Yeah, sure. I’m just gonna go fer the… cheap ones. All right. We need to build something here… But…OH! They do have a bit of production! That’s really good! Oh, niiiiice. Niiice! *GASP* We can maaaake… A. Bullshit. Shiiiiiiip. We can make a SHIP! I’ll make that galley! Oh! Hell yeah! Go say “hi” to the CRAFF! Then go say “hi” to everybody else in the entire world. (Mark makes an odd noise) K. Go here. Do the-Do the quarry. YEEEASS. Oh! Smash that shit! All right. So, that’s good. We need to build somethin’ else there. A granary? That sounds good. We could do thaaaaaaaaat. I could definitely do that. I can get behind that. Washington is gonna be great! Everything else is gonna be garbage. But Washington’s gonna be great. HUUUUURRRR. BUUUUUUUURRRM. Wow. Holy shit. You really smashed it into that sumbitch. I can appreciate that. Announcer: “We have Recently gained advances knowledge in city planning. Creating districts in our cities can be much more powerful and lucrative than simple improvements like Farms and Mines.” Aaaaaawwwweee…. But I was… I thought I was doing great! I was applying my old knowledge of Civilization to the new! Oh, fine. Districts. Okay, can I make this the-the, uh, sweat shop district? Announcer: “I’m also interested in creating a lasting legacy… because bronze will last for thousands of years.” I suppose. But then it ended, ya know? The Bronze Age? Okay. *gasp* I can make a pasture. Nice. I wanna make a pasture. Hell yeah! All right, we need… Ship building? Huuuh? I mean, if I build two… Nah. It’s gonna take too long anyway. Might as well u- Ah, let me open the tree… What are we looking for here? Mathematics? We need- Oh! We need currency. We need writing. Okay, we definitely need writing. So, let’s get writing out of the way so we can go, go, go. You build that. You do that thing. Habooski. Uuuhhh! Man, that poor cow! You just clobbered him! Why’d you do that? It was a lovely cow! Oh. God. No. Aahh, they’re fine. I got defenders over there. I don’t have any defenders in Bawstin, though. Haaaah… okay. The ship building city that’s gonna diiie… Oh, well. I don’t care. Oh! Where did THAT come from? WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM? I’MMA KILL THAT DEAD. HOLY SHIT. YES I AM. Oooooohhh, I’m m’on get you you’re gonna be dead. Oh, yeah Yeeaaah Yeah You’re gonna be dead Oh, holy shiiiiiit Yeeaaah You go over there and kill them dead. Oh! Hi! HO! Hello! Queen: “Greetings. We are by the Grace of God, Victoria, Queen of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. And soon, dare I say, the empire.” (With a bad English accent) Ooohhh, my goodness, yeeess. Oh! Excellent to meet you, Victorrrriaa. (Bad accent ends) They definitely changed the art style in this one. Let’s see… Teddy Roosevelt’s a gentleman, through and through, maybe, I don’t know, I can’t remember if he was actually a- gentleman or not, but… Would you like to visit our city? Aha! Mee uhuh. I’m glad you… *meeaww* Thank’s for being… *meeaww* Okay. All right, you can mmmmmmaybe come by. Awe, thanks. Eureka! Announcer: “Writing is easy. All you have to do is cross out the wrong words.” Oh okay. All right, then. Well, ehh… They-They visited us and we didn’t even know how to write. We were just a bunch of rampaging goofs. All right, so, now… Oh! We built a quarry so I guess we can do masonry. That’ll give us a little boost. All right. We’re gonna take care of our problem here. I don’t know… How did you fi- *gasp* Was that them? Is that YOU? Is that YOU or is that barbarians? It’s England! HIII!! We don’t know how to do that. I mean. We know how to do that but we’ve been too lazy to actually BUILD BUILD IT. Thanks for visiting. Thank you. Awe! That is awesome! We finally met someone! Which means that we’re not alone in this world. I just hope it’s not ONLY them, and I hope that Ghandi isn’t just… …hiding around. HEY! Douche! Stop doin’ that! How ’bout you… eat eat this eat this dick. Hababa boo- Ow! Well, that sucked for that guy. Uh, da da da da. Oh? You built a ship? *Gasp* You built a ship! (Sing-song voice) Holy shit, we’re gonna get another one ‘Cause I like that What is a campus? Oh, okay, cool! Oh, we can build spearmen now Nice! Okay, we’re just gonna keep- This is gonna be ship- shiptown So, if England came from over to the right we need to scout over to the left here So, you have a long trip over that way Alright. NEXT! I’m gonna wallop the shit outta you by yourself Oh, no! He’s firing at- Ow Man, that sucked Alright, we’re gonna win You’re dead, you’re dead Habooski! You’re dead You’re dead Okay So, then you guys are gonna go… Well… Later you’re gonna go over there And then you’re going to fortify ’til healed And you’re gonna clear that encampment because we need that gone What did we build? (high pitched) What did we just build? OH! That’s how you build a district. OH! *gasp* We could be scientists! NAH! Why would we do that? Alright, fine. I’ll do that Oooh! Ooooh! I like it I like it Okay, this one near by’s not really used So.. That’s pretty good Yeah! Oh hell yeah! Oh, that’s cool! You can actually make cities sprawl. Which- which always makes sense because why would the city only be congregated in one tile? Like, cities need to, like, expand Not just, like, their boundaries but physically they should expand That’s cool That’s a good feature I like that feature That’s *real* nice Oh.. They’re guarded by spearmen But I think we’ll be okay Adviser: Your Grace, we have greater knowledge in the art of building static fortifications Adviser: Building walls around our city- Mark: Oh, I know So, you go right there And you guys are gonna fortify once you’re… tired from that long run Okay, currency Okay, we need currency boop de boop Okay, keep going! Go very far Don’t go that close to them! Why would you do that? Oh, they can’t hit you. They’re fine. Oh, okay, it’s okay You fortify until healed Shabooski Oh my goosh! Ho! What happened? Oh, yayyy! Finally! We can do the trade route! That only took.. ffffff-bajillion turns! Alright, do Washington ’cause heck yeh Heck yeh! Hecke Adviser: In addition to bringing riches to our civilization, this trade route will gradually develop roads between our cities. Roads allow our units to no longer be impaired by the difficult terrain through which they pass. Mark: Thanks! I’m tryin’a figure out your accent but I just can’t lay a finger on it Oh, that’s cool Alright, we’re makin’ good progress but hopefully this galley’s gonna be able to find someone, besides all the craAaff Oh, look at the craff! Oh, they’re hiding! Oh, they’re so cute! Oh I want to eat them! Actually, I don’t like crab very much I wanna pet them Alright, what shall we build? Which is going to take foreever God, it’s going to take soo loong! Okay, it said it needed for housings and it said it needed more amenities. So.. I’m gonna assume that a granary would be a good idea here? So, I’mma try for that Alright, shabooski Oh no! Enemy galley Oh, and it’s England, it’s okay Adviser: The opportunity has arrived for a change into a new and more powerful system of government. Mark: Wow! Adviser: Let us strengthen our identity and enact more policies to govern our people. Mark: Cool! I’m all about governing! Announcer: Politics is the art of the possible, the attainable, the art of the next best. Mark: Okay.. I don’t know if that’s true or not, judging by current politics but okay Change governminents? Oh heck yeah! An oligarchy? (creepily) I do like that! An autocracy? (high pitched) eeeee….. I don’t know… I do like a classical republic… But, I do like to build fancy things… I mean, that’s pretty cool Awh, so many choices This is actually cool, the way that they’re doing the government thing here So, with our basic government, which is a chief-dom Chief Teddy Roosevelt, you know Y’need to do some other stuff, so We’re gonna dooo (higher pitched) We’re gonna dooo Ugh, do I want great people or do I want… wonders? Do I want these weird things or d- I want great people Yeah, I’ll take great people I like me some great people Okay, cool *gasp* Nice! Okay Bam! We need trade, I do like trade Okay Envoys? I don’t know how that works! Okay, and then one more general one Which I think I’m going to use as.. I’m gonna go for GOD KING! I-I’mma hundred percent goin’ for God King because I-I-I skipped over that in the last episode but… I.. really, *really* wanna be considered- Teddy Roosevelt the God King of America (creepy laugh) Ahahaha ughh… Anyway Alright, drama and poetry, sure Okay Boop! Oh you skedaddle that road! Oh, where you goin’? Find more people, damn- Ohhhhhh… That’s not who I wanted to find Gr.. (surprised) Oh! Queen Victoria: Please accept my warmest thanks for your kind endeavors on the continent we share Mark: Uhmm… I don’t know about you but I’m a- I’m alone on an island But… Thhaank youuu I don’t know exactly what I’m doing but you’re welcome Can I send you an envoy? Madam (emphasizes the last “m”) I would like to send delegation Uhmmm… Oh, gossip items access level. Oooooh Can we- once I find someone to gossip about you know Teddy’s gonna gossip with you Victoria But.. until that happens I gotta- I gotta gossip about myself ‘n talk about my short comings as if it’s somebody else (quietly) Not that I would know about that Royal envoy on behalf of the United Kingdom.. OH! YES! Please! Come by! If I know how to do that I would send an envoy just the same Announcer: Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants. Mark: Nice! Again, like all the other quotes in here I don’t understand it because I’m too dumb But I’m gonna assume it means “good” Oooh… I suppose we need the wheel I mean, eventually we’ll have the wheel, right? Eventually. Some day We’ll get it WHO’S YOU?! WHO IS YOU? HELLOO! FRIEND?! Lisbon?! Who’s Lisbon? Want to say “hi”? Yeah! Come on! Bring all your weapons to the shore! That’s how we say hello, too Hello, Lisbon! A lone island, just by yourself Why are you… Why are you all alone? Why are you so alone? (laughing) I feel bad now Alright, you guys go get ’em, go get ’em, buckaroonies Go get ’em, bucks B-bucky-doos EUREKA! Nice! Alright Kill ’em Kill ’em dead I don’t remember this being here before, but kill ’em dead You’ll eventually win Okay, so now we got two galleys, so I’m gonna make this galley go (funny voice) waaaaaay oovveeerr heeerrrre Maybe I shoulda just set it to “automate exploration”, which woulda been smarter Hey, can I..? No. Nevermind How do I say “hi” to you? HelloOo? Oh, it’s a city state. Oh, god I’m an idiot It’s a- of course, it’s a dotted line. Ugh, I totally forgot that’s a city state and that it’s not… …a civilization Okay, you go over dere den Actually, you just automate exploration because, my god, this is just ridiculous now Habooski! Oh no! Your face, it got exploded And this is mine now, by the way Thank you! Gold, please (quietly) Both of these would be great tiles (louder) We’re a long way from growth, so.. Bing Bong Okay That’s good Maybe… Maybe a little bit of fear is coursing through my grundle but it’s okay Harold (uses terrible accent) Sigurdsson stands before you A viking unlike any the s- (stops terrible accent) I’m sorry, this is so offensive (continues offensive accent) any the seas- (stops offensive accent) I’m not gonna stop, I’m just gonna double down on the offensiveness (continues offensive accent but louder) and lands have ever knoon. HA! Are you afrood? (stops offensive accent) Okay, it’s an honor to meet you (starts offensive accent up again) I have travooled fur and woord… (laughs and whispers) Oh, geez. (normal volume and voice) I’m so sorry (offensive accent) But I have never seen your coopital… tell me oOf it (normal voice) Oh, geez, I’m sorry Let’s talk I want to trade VICTORIA! I HAVE GOSSIP! GOSSIP! Victoria?! Okay, fine then, alright then We’re fortifying until healed but we found somebody Helloooo! (odd voice/accent) Oh, yes, hellooOoo! Ah, you also have a granary Very nice And hopefully there’s more of you out there, I’d hate for it to just be the three of us in a weird love-triangle for Victoria here, that would just be odd Or a love-triangle for Harold Hod- Har- Harold Hodrada… Harold Hodrada Okay! So we’ve met two people and we didn’t die from the Barbarians, so that’s actually pretty good I think I’m actually gonna play one more episode here I’m gonna try to expand my horizons to the entire map That’s a bit of a lofty goal but I just wanna have a.. idea of where everything is And then hopefully the island of America will rise and be supreme So, thank you everybody so much for watching And as always, I will see YOU… in the next video Buh-bye! (Markiplier “Happy Outro” plays)

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