Point Culture : les Créatures Mythologiques


Hello everyone, welcome to this Culture Point Greek mythology is like a mix between DC and Game of Thrones Meaning that like in DC, many authors bring their point of view and don’t give a fuck if it contradicts something someone else wrote before even the creator of the character. And like GoT because there’s blood, sex incest, violent deaths, limb cutting, magic and in that mess, some stories that are the oldest humanity knows and in those stories, there often are fantastic creatures and I am going to tell you about 20 of them. #1 First, I’m not going to talk about species, but about individuals. So now we’re not going to talk about centaurs but about one centaur: Chiron. The wisest of all centaurs. The only wise centaur, actually. Son of Philyra and Cronos, who changed into a horse to avoid the anger of his wife. From which comes a being half god… half horsey Which made him the only immortal centaur. He was educated by deities, and used this education to teach future heroes such as Jason or Achilles. The circumstances of his death are as tragic as stupid. I introduce you a demigod whom you already know: Heracles. Hercules in the Roman mythology. Heracles is a dick. While he was achieving one of his 12 works -we’ll talk about those later- he was welcomed by Pollos, another quite nice centaur. Dionysos provided centaurs with wine, saying *voice of drunk man* I gave u some booze, but caution, “if H..eracles comes by, share it a little bit because that’s a nice guy”. Pollos agreed but all the other centaurs took this wine as theirs so when Heracles came by, he asked for some wine, Pollos then shared it but all the other centaurs got angry. Therefore Heracles slaughtered them. Pollos was not involved in this fight he was just burying the dead bodies but Heracles mistakenly shot him so he died and the living centaurs ran away to Chiron who began healing them but Heracles shot Elatos a centaur who was being healed by Chiron. The arrow went through the arm of that centaur and hit the wisest centaur in the knee “Why should I give a fuck?” asks the attentive viewer, after all Chiron is immortal! But now it gets even funnier. Heracles’s arrow was coated with an incurable poison -we’ll come back to that later- and Chiron agonized for nine days, begging for mortality. In the end, the gods let him die by transferring his immortality to Prometheus (I have no idea how that works) and Chiron became the constellation of the Centaur. Heracles… is a dick. #2 What if we talked about Typhon? Typhon is a winged giant with snake legs, a thousand heads (and one human one) and a thousands snakes for fingers. ♫ Greek mythology! ♫ I’m talking about Typhon early on, because he fathered 7 out of 20 critters in this video. Typhon is like Godzilla on Olympus. A god-scaled monster. In one day, he grew so tall he reached the sky, so much that he scared the Olympians, who almost all fled Olympus. Only Athena and Zeus remained. The latter faced Typhon with the sickle he had used to cut off his father’s BALLS -something we’d all do- but Typhon unarmed him and sliced his tendons which he hid inside a BEAR’S SKIN -something we’d all do- Luckily, Hermes and Egypans, who were hanging out not far, resew Zeus’s tendons -something we’d all do?- So Zeus came back, struck him with a lightning bolt, as the Moirai had weakened Typhon by feeding him poisoned fruits while Zeus was gone, AND THEN HE THREW A MOUNTAIN AT HIS FACE (That’s not an image. He literally took a mountain and punched him in the face with it) The mountain in question was Mt Etna, explaining that when Typhon is angry, the mountain spits fire. This has been scientifically proved. #3: the Nemean Lion Son of Orthos and Chimera, the Nemean Lion is like a Picard, in that he has the same grandparents on both Mom’s and Dad’s side. Hera had sent him to Nemea for him to spread terror and sorrow because, hey, you’d do the same if you were a god so shut up. Killing him is the first task for this dumbass Heracles which allows me to introduce the famous 12 Labors. Not those. Those. If you’re not familiar with Greek Mythology, here’s the first thing you need to know: Zeus… is not… a very faithful husband. After one of his many one-night-stands, here with the human Alcmene, Hera, Zeus’s wife, got absolutely furious and swore revenge on the child. Zeus did name his son Heracles, which means “Glory to Hera”, but weirdly, it didn’t calm her. Once he became a big strong boy, Heracles, rendered mad by the goddess, killed his wife Megara and their four children. He went to the Oracle of Delphi, asking how he could redeem himself, and she told him to work 10 tasks for Eurystheus. [Wasn’t it 12?] Yep, 10, I’m not mistaken. So Eurystheus gave him 10 labors he considered to be impossible, the first one being to kill the Nemean Lion. Fun fact: said lion has an impenetrable hide! Our hero first attempted to shoot him with arrows, but alas, it didn’t work as well as with his centaur friends, so he took his mace and hit the lion, but the weapon broke on the beast! Heracles eventually defeated the lion by strangling him with his bare hands [Kitty!] He would then use the lion’s claw to make himself an armor out his hide. As he returned to see Eurystheus, the latter got scared by the lion’s hide, and hid inside a jar. He then forbade Heracles inside the city, telling him he’d communicate his orders trough his uncle, in front of the city walls, which will bring us to the second labor, we’ll come back to it. #4: a monster we meet in the Odyssey, Polyphemus the cyclops. For those who don’t know, the Odyssey tells of Ulysses’s return to Ithaca after the Trojan War a ten-year journey during which he and his companions met and fought many people and the wrath of the sea god Poseidon, probably caused by the story I’m about to tell. Ulysses&friends stopped on the isle of the Cyclops, they saw a cave with food and said: “Yay, a cave with… food.” They entered the cave in other to nourish themselves. Then arrived Polyphemus, saying “heeeey, uuuuh…” “I mean, that’s my food, I’m not happy!” and for good measure, he ate two of Ulysses’s men. But our boy is cunning! He got the cyclops drunk with wine, telling him his name is Nobody, and blinded him with a hot metal stake. Polyphemus locked the men inside the cave, and went to ask for help, but no one would help him! Since the poor cyclops claimed to have been blinded by Nobody. [I mean, if he’s dumb too…] In the cave, Ulysses has a second good idea: hanging to the bellies of Polyphemus’s sheep! … Those were in the cave too, don’t ask. So when Polyphemus took his sheep out of the cave, he touched their backs to make sure the men weren’t there thus Ulysses managed to escape. And that’s when he got the bad idea to reveal his identity to Polyphemus, like, “Ahah! Ulysses pranked you!” Which allowed the giant to ask for a punishment for Ulysses to his dad, Poseidon. Which explains why the return didn’t exactly go just as planned. #5: Triton! You may be imagining King Triton, father of the little mermaid, but I’ll stop you right now: in Greek mythology, it’s about sirens, who are either just plain women, or half-woman half-bird beings. So, that’s not it. But, indeed, Triton is a half-man half-fish deity, who has a lot in common with Poseidon, his dad. The horse-pulled chariot, the trident, but Triton’s thing is his conch, which he plays to calm or unleash the sea. He notably played it to stop the Deucalion Flood, one of the many floods caused by gods of all ages and origins to purify mankind, poor little slobs that we are. #6: can we make a Culture Point about Greek mythology without mentioning the line of Labdacos? It’s a rhetorical question, of course we can, talk about a clumsy intro… But I won’t talk about all of Labdacos’s heirs, only about a creature who really fucked them up: the Sphinx. Female creautre with the head of a woman and the body of a winged lion, the Sphinx was sent to Thebes to terrorize and destroy the people and crops by Hera, what a charming lady. The Sphinx repeated a riddle and devoured all those who answered wrong: “What has one voice, and four legs, and two legs, and three legs?” Oedipus managed to answer, slew the Sphinx and became King of Thebes, How is that a bad thing? It’s a long but cool story, so here it is. ONCE UPON A TIME there was Laios, son of Labdacos and King of Thebes. Pelops, a friend of his, asks him to teach his son how to drive a chariot. Laios agrees and rapes the son. Right. That’s nasty. Don’t do that. Hey, new awareness slogan! “Rape? That’s nasty. Don’t do that.” Therefore Pelops calls a curse onto Laios and his offspring, a three-generation curse. An oracle predicts to Laios that his son will kill him and marry his wife, so Laios avoids banging his wife besides, she wasn’t a kid, she gave her consent… So not his type. Except that one night, drunk, he sleeps with her. Boom, pregnancy. They abandon the baby and tie his feet, but the child is found and adopted by the King of Corinth, Polybius, who names him Oedipus. The latter grows up and learns that he’ll kill his dad and marry his mom, so he runs away from those he believes are his parents! He makes his way towards, you know it, Thebes. On his way, he encounters Laios, they have a fight and he kills him without knowing that he was the King, nor that he was his father. Learning this, Creon, brother of Jocasta and regent of Thebes, says: “Yes, so, I’m regent, but the one who gets the Sphinx away, I’ll give him the city and my sister’s ass as well.” Thus Oedipus solves the famous riddle, (For the 5 of you who don’t know, it’s the Man) (The Man walks on all four as a toddler, stands up on his two legs as an adult and uses a cane as an elder) (It’s truly a shit puzzle) So Oedipus solves that, and Creon congratulates him: “Oedipus, you did it, you motherfucker!” which he now is. Four children are born from their union, which is a real genetic prowess, Eteocles, Polynices, Antigone and Ismene. When he learns Jocasta is his mom, Oedipus burns off his eyes and goes into exile, and for the others… Antigone starves herself to death after her death sentence, Haemon, her fiancé and uncle as well, kills himself out of sorrow, Eteocles dies disfigured in a war against his brother Polynices, whose dead body is to be shown on the agora and eaten by crows for dishonor, also did I mention that Megara, Herakles’s wife whom he killed in a madness fit, is Creon’s daughter? There you go. The curse on the line of Labdacos. [And Jocasta hanged herself] All that to say… Rape is nasty, don’t do that. #7: remember Typhon? Meet his wife, Echidna. She’s a woman down to the waist, and then a snake. That makes her the mom of several critters of this top 20. Among those already mentioned, the Sphinx and the Nemean Lion are Echidna’s offspring. Uh, hi? Future Links here. I was editing the video and I just realize I’m contradicting myself. Yeah, earlier I said the Nemean Lion was the son of Orthros and Chimera, which would make it Echidna’s grandson. It’s just a thing with sources. According to Hesiod, the Nemean Lion is indeed Orthros and Chimera’s son, but according to pseudo-Apollodorus, it’s Typhon and Echidna. There. Just to precise that. Anyway. Enjoy the rest of the video! You’ll see, #17 might surprise you. *sigh* There’s not much to say about her, other that she’s a monster-baby oven. Lions, dogs, snakes… Let’s just say Ancient Greeks were not exactly on point when it comes to genetics. I don’t exactly understand how Typhon and Echidna could reproduce either. [With kisses!] Oh, wait, it’s legit! It makes sense! They’re both snake-like around the hips! So it… it fits. I’m putting too much thought into that. #8: we’ve inherited many sayings for Greek mythology. After, don’t we all say “cunning as a sphinx”? [Uh, you mean “like a fox”] Dumb as Herakles? [Nope, neither.] Fuck you. No, but something that does exist is “between Scylla and Charybdis”. It’s a saying that means having to choose between two problematic issues. Charybdis, always hungry, was punished by Zeus for eating his son Herakles’s oxen. She was turned into a whirlpool. Since then, she’s been swallowing ships sailing too close to her. Scylla, on her side, is a monster, prisoner inside a cave on a cliff with a surface to smooth to be walked. The dilemma Ulysses had to face in the Odyssey, was that the two monsters coexist in a narrow sea passage, therefore a ship can’t avoid both of them, and as in the saying, Ulysses chooses to avoid Charybdis and face Scylla. He only loses a few men when Charybdis would have sunk the entire crew, that’s my boy. #9: You know Chiron, you know Pholus, but do you know Nessus, the 3rd and last centaur in this video? It happens after Chiron’s death. Nessus survived Herakles’s genocide of centaurs, but he’s a centaur, which means he’s a bloodthirsty brute with a dick for a brain. [Subtle] He’s more of a beast than a man. Nessus’s job is to ferry people across rivers. Herakles shows up with Deianira, his new wife, after the end of his 12 labors, and wants to cross. The centaur says “Ok, what we’ll do is: you swim, and I carry your wife so she won’t get wet.” Herakles agrees, Herakles is a dick. As he reaches the other bank, he hears his wife screaming because obviously, Nessus is trying to rape her. As soon as he hears that, the son of Zeus shoots Nessus with an arrow! Dying, Nessus tells Deianira “here, take my tunic, it will keep your husband faithful.” Just try to picture the scene in your head. She gets assaulted by a monster with the tool of a horse, literally, he takes an arrow and says “give my clothes to your man, he won’t cheat.” Coherence is not really their thing. [Nessus, my number one guy!] Deianira accepts, because she’s really that stupid, and this will lead to Herakles’s demise, for what? For that. #10, it is more than time to talk about Herakles’s most famous labor: the second one after the Nemean Lion: kill the Lernean Hydra. it’s either a snake or a dragon, with several heads, and one, partly made of gold, is immortal. When the other heads are cut, two grow back. To defeat it, Herakles asked for help from Iolaus, his nephew, and lover, it’s all normal, for him to cauterize the sliced necks as he cut them. As for the immortal head, Herakles burried it alive. But Eurystheus refused to consider this labor a success since Herakles called for help. He did that shit twice, by the way, that’s why he had to do 12 labors instead of 10. “Wait, what does it have to do with Nessus?” you ask After defeating the Lernean Hydra, Herakles dipped his arrowheads in its blood, a terrible poison. It’s what poisoned Chiron so terribly it made him beg for death, and when Nessus gave his tunic to Deianira, it was soaked with his blood, which had been infected by the venom. Then Deianira offered Nessus’s tunic to Herakles, he wore it, and it burned him, stuck to his skin, tortured him to the point that he threw himself on a pyre to end his own misery, and frustrated by her own stupidity, Deianira killed herself after her husband died, Herakles… is a dick. #11: but before he died like a turd by wearing the tunic of an enemy he had poisoned himself (how dumb can you be?) Herakles did do some other cool stuff! Like his 6th labor! Free lake Stymphalia from a flock of man-eating birds. And how did he defeat them? With castanets. I’m not kidding: Herakles climbed a mountain, he played the castanets, it scared the birds, they flew away. Well, an ancient version of castanets, it was called a krotalon (crotalum in Latin) … but it worked the exact same way as castanets. You know what they say: Herakles is a dick. #12! Let’s move to a critter completely unrelated to Herakles: PEGASUS- No! No. Unrelated. I’m not going to talk about Pegasus’s birth yet, because it involves another monster for later in the video. But I can tell you about Hippocrene, the spring crated by Pegasus. By hitting the ground with its hoof, the creature created a spring on Mt. Helicon, so marvelous that even the gods came to admire it. It was named Hippcrene, the Horse’s Fountain. It later became the fountain of the Muses. Why did Pegasus hit the ground with its hoof in the first place? Because it was unhappy it had been tamed by Bellerophon. Wait, who? We’ll come back to him. #13: if you think mankind slowly evolved during Prehistory and mastered fire, you are wrong. It was Prometheus who sculpted men from mud and stole fire from the gods for us. It’s a fact, it’s science. Also Zeus didn’t like his fire being stolen, so he tied Prometheus to a rock, so show a little gratitude! Why am I telling you about that? To introduce the Caucasian Eagle. Son of Typhon and Echidna (obviously), the Caucasian Eagle was sent everyday by Zeus to eat Prometheus’s liver, probably with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. Fortunately, Zeus wanted to give his son (Herakles) a good reputation, so the latter killed the Caucasian Eagle and freed Prometheus (with dad’s permission) to be a hero for mankind! Say it with me: Herakles is a dick. #14: a creature everybody knows because it was adapted thousands of times: Cerberus, the three-headed dog, guardian of the Underworld, the land of the dead. And, of course, son of Typhon and Echidna. Hades is a huge beasts which terrifies the dead and the living alike, whose job is to keep the dead in and the living out. Many heroes attempted to move past Cerberus’s vigilance, and few succeeded. This feat has only been done by Herakles and Orpheus. … And Psyche. … And Ulysses. And, and Aenas. … And Theseus- forget what I just said, Cerberus is a terrible watchdog. And that’s illustrated in Herakles’s final labor! He had to bring Cerberus out of the Underworld, so he went there, asked Hades, God of the Underworld, if he could take the dog out for a walk, the god said “yeah, bro, totally, but only if you can master him with your bare hands” and, well, he did. Not even needed castanets with that one, and it ended the 12 labors. … yep… #15: let’s go on with Herakles’s labors, the 7th here: take the Cretan Bull alive. What made it hard was that Poseidon had made the bull mad, and that “not killing” isn’t exactly Herakles’s forte. but he managed by riding on the beast’s back and holding its horns. Herakles’s labors are SO ANTICLIMATIC you’d imagine epic fights, power games, cunning… but no. For the Hydra, he buried the head, for the Lion, he strangled it, and so for the Cretan Bull, he rode the beast, took its horns, and it let itself be taken to Eurystheus. The Bull will be killed by Theseus later, but here’s my question: where was the Bull even from? Cause for once, I didn’t say it was the child of Echidna and Typhon. Or that Hera had sent him to destroy a town for the lulz. It has another origin, we’ll talk about it soon. #16: daughter of Typhon and Echinda (kidnfjd) the Chimera was a fire-breathing lion with another (goat) head and a snake for a tail! ♫ Greek mythology! ♫ The Chimera is not just the daughter of celebrities, she’s also the MOTHER of celebrities, since she gave birth to the Nemean Lion and the Sphinx. And since she was a creature of evil, a hero had to kill her. No, not Herakles, though he seemed on his way to kill the entire mythological zoo, it was Bellerophon. For this, Bellerophon needed a charger faster than Chimera’s fire: Pegasus. Thanks to Athena’s help, he managed to tame Pegasus and went on to fight Chimera, but unlike Herakles, Bellerophon does things with PANACHE! According to Jean Tzétzès, a 12th-century Byzantine poet Bellerophon tied lead to the end of his spear, and threw it towards Chimera’s lion head, the latter tried to burn it, but the lead melted, suffocating the beast. and that’s pretty badass! #17 uh… Maybe if I sing it? ~Diomedes fed his legendary mares~ ~With the guts of his guests~ ~Not very humane, people shouldn’t do that~ ~And who could stop that a**hole?~ ~Herakles, the hero, as par his eighth labor~ ~Had to take the mares through all of Greece~ ~To survive to this end, Abderus, his boyfriend~ [*lover] ~Tried to help but was ripped to pieces…~ ~After that, Herakles, pissed off, fed the horseys~ ~Their very own owner~ ~Which actually did calm the horseys a bit~ ~He brought them back alive and quieter…~ ~Turns out it was simple, and he could have done it~ ~Without asking the bae to help…~ ~Who’d have lived a long life if it weren’t for that prick~ ~Herakles really is a diiiiiiick…~ #18: let’s talk about one of my favorite mythological creatures: the Minotaur! It’s the story of an ASSHOLE, Minos. Asterion, King of Crete, dies without an heir. Minos claims that the gods asked him to rule, and the evidence is that they’ll grant all of his payers! Poseidon, who was in a good day, brought a gorgeous white bull out of the sea as Minos was praying and told him to sacrifice it. Except that Minos thought the beast was too good and sacrificed another instead. He became all at once King of Crete and King of pricks. Poseidon got his revenge by making Minos’s wife, Pasiphae, madly in love with the bull. And by making the bull batshit crazy. The Queen asked for help from Dedalus, an architect, “Help for what?” you ask. “How can an architect help her not be in love with a bull?” Dedalus built a wooden crate on wheels with a cow’s hide on it, with a hole on the backside so that Pasiphae and the Cretan Bull could… … do what grown-ups do when they love each other very much. Nine months later, I guess, since it’s the same thing for humans and oxen, Nine months later was born Asterion, son of Pasiphae and the Cretan Bull, whom legend remembered as the Minotaur, Minos’s Bull. The latter, furious, asked for Dedalus to build a prison from which the Minotaur could never escape, and Dedalus built the Labyrinth, an edifice so complex no one can leave it. To feed him, Minos asked from Athens (defeated in a war) to give him seven young men and seven young women every nine years. He locked them inside the Labyrinth and let the creature hunt them down. Theseus, son of Aegeus, King of Athens, decides to kill the Minotaur, goes to Crete to tell Minos “hey, enough of your horny kid, Imma kill it” Minos answers “Ah! Betcha can’t.” But Ariadne, daughter of Minos, falls in love with Theseus and gives him a thread, Ariadne’s Thread, so he’d unroll it in the Labyrinth, and would just have to follow it to get out if he survived. She also gives him a Hephaestus-made sword, stolen from her dad, and asked for the hero to marry her in return. You’ll notice that every single woman in Minos’s life fucked him up. Anyway, Theseus defeats the Minotaur but leaves Ariadne to die (cause yeah, she betrayed her father and city) and he goes back to Athens to become King. Wait, what happened to Aegeus? Well, actually, they’d agreed that if Theseus came back from Crete alive, he’d rise white sails on his ship. And Theseus, well, forgot. So when he saw the black sails, Aegeus killed himself by jumping from a cliff into the sea that now bears his name. It’s truly a shame he could not *sea* the while sails. OHMYGOD THAT ONE IS SO BAD I CAN’T #19: we’re reaching the end so here’s a funny one, the Teumessian Fox and Laelaps the dog. Right. The Teumessian Fox was sent on Earth to terrorize everyone, you know the pitch. It was particular in that it could not be caught. Keep that in mind for a while while I introduce another important character, Amphitryon, Alcmene’s husband, which makes him Herakles’s step-dad, if you can consider that the son of the guy who raped your wife is your step-son. Alcmene’s brothers were killed by Taphians (people who come from the isle of Taphos) and Alcmene demands of her husband that this crime be punished. Amphitryon asks for help from Creon, regent of Thebes. He tells him “fine but first rid my town of the Teumassian Fox plz” Amphitryon asks for help from Cephalus, King of Athens, who owns a dog, the aforementioned Laelaps, whose thing is that he always catches his target. So, we find ourselves with a paradox! Laelaps always catches his prey and the Fox always escapes from his predator. How to resolve this issue? Zeus turns them into stone. Zeus doesn’t like paradoxes. The story’s not over: Creon helps Amphitryon against Pterelas, King of Taphos, the latter has one gold hair which makes him immortal, his daughter falls in love with Amphitryon, she rips off her dad’s hair, Amphitryon executes her for treason, happy ending. #20: if I tell you about Gorgons, I assume it rings a bell. Women with snakes for hair, whose glance could petrify anyone who looked them in the eye. They’re three sisters, but only one is really famous: Medusa. It’s the very sad and rather gross story of a beautiful young woman who gets raped by Poseidon in Athena’s temple, so the goddess punishes HER by turning her into a Gorgon {TN: or helps her protect herself…} I mean, let’s not pretend we don’t live in a world where women get blamed for being raped. But that’s another topic for another video. And fuck, her death is shit! Perseus and his mother were taken in by King Polydectes, and he sent the kid to kill Medusa… so he could rape his mom while he was gone. Perseus recieved from Athena a shield with a mirror inside of it, and as he attacked her, Perseus turned his shield around and Medusa petrified herself through her reflection. Perseus cut off her head and used it to petrify Polydectes as he returned to Seryphos A sad end for a sad character. But we can comfort herself by thinking that Poseidon had fecundated her, and that from her decapitated chest sprung the fruit of this rape: Pegasus. There. Now when you next see a horse with wings, you’ll know the first of them came from the murder of a rape victim cursed by a jealous goddess. ANYWAY! This is the end of this Culture Point on 20 creatures from the Greek mythology, I hope you liked it, Don’t hesitate to like, share and subscribe as usual, and until then, see you next week for a new video, ciao.

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