Pop Star’s Single, ‘Booty Wave’, Most Likely Civilization’s Downfall

Pop Star’s Single, ‘Booty Wave’, Most Likely Civilization’s Downfall


And if you thought things
couldn’t get more infantile and aesthetically insulting
than Fergie, Kesha or Katie Perry, then you obviously haven’t met
22 year old K’ronikka, the latest and most horrid
talent-bereft pop monstrosity the music industry
has ever sadistically forced down the American’s public
collective throat. She is here with us in the studio
right now. What, what?
-Welcome K’ronikka. God, you’re just the worst.
-Now tell us K’ronikka, how did you first decide that you
wanted to be the cipher through which the cynicism
of a morally-bankrupt industry is channeled?
-Yo, I just do what I do, you know what I’m saying? It’s like, people just love
my ‘ish’. Right. Now, your latest single,
“Booty Wave”, and I honestly can’t believe
I just had to say those two words, is currently number one
in the nation despite the fact that
Rolling Stone Magazine called you “definite proof
that mankind is inherently evil.” That’s right. Y’all just got
to booty and wave, booty and wave. -Please stop.
-Booty and wave. Booty, booty, booty, booty.
-It’s moments like this when the end of civilization
seems most imminent. Yeah!
-I think I might be sick. And just to be clear…
-‘Cuz that shit is the joint and check my latest track:
“I’m Going to Slam Your D” featuring Pitbull.
-Now K’ronikka, according to my notes here
you are in the middle of your sold out
Damn Gurl tour. Damn Gurl, that’s right. Which is a heinous slap in the face
to the English language and will also travel
to 47 cities sapping the intellects of every
young person along the way. I said Damn Gurrrl.
That’s right, uh! There’s no light in your eyes
K’ronikka. I got nothing to say
to the haters. I hate you.
-And right now our avarice-soaked, unscrupulous
corporate advertisers require that we play a little bit
of the “Booty Wave” video. Hell yeah, watch me kick it
for y’all. ♪ Booty wave,
it’s like a booty tsunami. ♪ ♪ Now get down on your knees
and call me your mommy. ♪ ♪ Don’t misbehave,
‘cuz I know you want me. ♪ ♪ Surf’s up on this booty,
hang ten big pop. ♪ ♪ You want to ride this,
you can’t deny this, ♪ ♪ come get inside this,
come on. ♪ ♪ You want to ride this,
you can’t deny this, ♪ ♪ come get inside this. ♪ ♪ Booty wave,
booty, booty ♪ ♪ Booty wave,
booty, booty ♪ ♪ Booty wave,
booty, booty ♪ ♪ Booty wave,
booty, booty, booty♪ ♪ Booty wave ♪

100 thoughts on “Pop Star’s Single, ‘Booty Wave’, Most Likely Civilization’s Downfall

  1. Lady Gaga and Lorde set the bar so high for female pop singers, it makes everyone else seem like shit. Also Lana Del Ray of course.

  2. It's all fun and games until the barbarians pour over the walls and the citizens can't tell if it's just part of the show.

  3. The funniest thing about this comment section is the top commenters all missed/ignored the part where the onion satirised people who genuinely think pop star lewdness is civilization-ending or a serious indictment of society.

  4. "I cut off many contacts to get rid of stalker sociopaths/narcissists. Why would someone still experience digital hacking on her Samsung SKT phone as if she's a famous celeb victim?"

    "GET RID OF ALL OF THE notorious, unlucky RED+PINK STRIPED CLOTHING"

  5. There was more thought and talent put into writing these lyrics than there are in 90% of the garbage that is released these days.

  6. Well, since you technically are consenting and offering…yes, I would love to ride you, get inside you, and call you mommy.

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