But that was the worst of it, I was getting
up and drinking just to make myself feel better, to try and run away from what had just happened.
My drinking was a problem, and uh arrived at the- the point where I was continually
thinking, y’know am I always gonna do this? Is this always gonna go on? Y’know, why can’t
I be like other people and have a drink and then not worry about it for a while? Uh, and
uh I’d uh I’d been asking my question, that question for uh, y’know quite a number of
years, uh and always had it in the back of my mind that “no you won’t always do this,
y’know, one day you’ll stop”, but I was starting to think “well I’m getting older, um when
is that going to be?” And then putting it to the back of my mind. In the end, the consequences
of drinking were what brought it into the forefront of having, having to deal with the
situation, which was not really my organising, um we’d been away, um, uh and one evening
I drunk ridiculous amount and uh, a lot of awful, embarrassing things happened, causing
us to fall out, really big time, to the extent that it was kinda like we were splitting up,
and one of us had to come home, and I came home and uh spent about 2 weeks in absolute
misery, thinking “what am I gonna do? This has all gone wrong now”. Um, getting up every
morning thinking, “was that a bad dream I’ve just had? And am I going to wake up out of
it and it’s all going to be okay?” But realising, “no it wasn’t a dream, wha- what’s just happened
has happened.” Well, it was awful because there wasn’t anything
I could do about it because you can’t change someone else’s behaviour as much as you want
to. Um, it was just very difficult, and it had got to the point where Jon was drinking
all the times of the day, and in the morning he would reach for a bottle of wine from the
fridge. And I felt in the end as if I was having a nervous breakdown, cause I just lost
it totally, I couldn’t see properly, things in front of me, I was trying to work, I couldn’t
read the papers in front of me. Over a number of years, it- it got worse and worse and worse.
There was something wrong and- and it primarily it was like at the back of your mind you know
it’s the drinking but, I did try to go to see a counsellor who was just literally, uh
somebody that listened to me talking, didn’t suggest anything, and then had an alarm clock
alongside him, and said “ahh, that’s it, see you next week”.
Yeah, haha. Um, which I thought was a very fickle and
absolutely, uhhh situation that had no depth to it whatsoever.
Hmm, hmm Uh. no one was asking me anything of any relevance,
no one was telling me to look at myself. Um, uh, and it was easy. and I’d have a drink
before I got there and I’d have a drink before I left.
The very first few days, I think, in the Provi, when I was having dinner at home um, thinking
“oh this is the time I’d definitely be having a drink”. I think that lasted two days because
my absorption into what was going on and what, hopefully if I could recover overtook my desire
to go and break out of the house and go get a drink. And I was there for four months and
um, and I haven’t had a drink since. I- it was as if I’d got a partner back, you
know, somebody that was willing to be a partner in our lives rather than somebody that was
just blocking everything out all the time and not really being very helpful, not making
decisions, not taking responsibility. I mean it just changed enormously. Got a lot of gratitude
towards the Provi, that’s for sure. And they did an amazing job, didn’t they?
Yeah, I mean uh, as I was saying it- The councillors
Just changed the way that you think. Yeah.
In- not by, in- not in any way like- like telling you “oh you have to think like this,
but just- it’s all about you being encouraged to look at yourself.
And they really inspired your trust, didn’t they? The councillors and your councillor
particularly was good, and there was a sense of continuity and-
I mean yeah A sense of keeping you on track and, it- it-
just that change came about f- fairly quickly didn’t it? But they were just amazing.
I mean I’ve been round the world, I’ve done quite a lot of things but the people that
I met that worked as councillors uh in the Provi are the best people I’ve ever met.
Hmm Y’know they saved my life and our marriage,
but they’ve saved hundreds and hundreds of count- well countless amounts of other peoples
Well, yes we’re always saying it aren’t we? Thank you so much.
Thanks very much guys, um words don’t say it but you know that. Thanks.
Hmm, yes, heartfelt.