The Culture of Netflix & Chill

The Culture of Netflix & Chill


*Coughing* “I think I got the Black Lung, Pop.” Remember that movie? My son is a mermaid. It’s mer-man Pop. A mer-man.
*coughs* I don’t know.
I mean, I can’t remember how Zoolander says it. I didn’t just endorse that movie did I?
Anyways. Here we go. Hi, my name is Father Mike Schmitz and
this is Ascension Presents. So, sometimes priests say stupid things
in homilies. Ugh, sorry, so let me clarify. Sometimes, this priest says stupid things in homilies. Actually, let me clarify. One time.
Well, probably more than one time. But one time I was using the example of
just taking it easy for an evening. And I used the phrase as like
“Yeah, sometimes after everyone’s gone from the Newman House, and I don’t have
anything else to do for the rest of the night I like to just, you know, turn on Netflix and chill. And … if you would’ve seen the people
in the congregation. The students were like “What?!”
I’m like, I know what it means. I literally meant
“I want to watch Netflix and relax, with a Lacroix.” Because these Millennials are affecting me. And I drink Lacriox all the time now.
Whatever. But it’s one of those things I’m like “No, I want to just watch Netflix and I want to relax. Is that so wrong? They’re like, no Father, that’s not wrong,
but you can’t say last Thursday night you just had Netflix and chilled,
or whatever the phrase or the verb for “had Netflix” is … just Netflix and chilled? I don’t know. Anyways, because why?
Because it doesn’t mean that. Doesn’t mean that. I knew that, but I was trying to
redeem the phrase. To, uh, “Netflix and chill” means that you
maybe swipe right on a particular app, and … Right? I think it’s right.
I don’t know – I don’t have the app. (Laughs) And the person comes over or you go over and you …
the excuse is, you’re gonna watch Netflix and just hang out. But you’re gonna turn on Netflix and then make out. Or do more than that. So it’s kind of like the idea
of the phrase “Netflix and chill” kind of encompasses a lot,
from just kind of making out a little bit to having sex.
It could be any of those things. “Hooking up” is also a phrase
that encompasses the whole deal. So when the priest says he “Netflix and chilled” it meant he just watched TV and he had a LaCroix.
I just want to clarify. Everyone knows this right now. No
one has any kind of … wonderful. We’re moving on. I was thinking more about this recently
because I just watched this documentary called ‘The Dating Project’
where it talked about this— I don’t want to say epidemic, because I’ll use
that word later on— it talked about the reality:
many of us, well, I say, many of us have lost the ability to date. Again, here the priest who doesn’t date,
is talking about this. So. Many of us have lost what Dr.
Kerry Cronin from Boston College calls “the script.” That when it comes to actually
spending time with each other, when it comes to facilitating relationships with
each other, particularly romantic relationships,
for our culture there’s no script. When I was growing up there was a script.
It was very clear. It wasn’t as clear as my grandparents.
They had a script like, maybe there’s a courtship process, maybe there’s chaperones and what-not involved. But there was a script. You walked up to someone and said
“Hey, would you want to go out?” and they would say yes or they would say no,
or they would say maybe. Even have a little thing, you could you sign the thing, would you want to date me? Yes, no, maybe. Dr. Kerry Cronin at Boston College,
she’s a professor of philosophy. She talks about how, in our culture, we have not given to the next generation “the script.” The script of here’s how you ask someone out.
And so what they’re left with is, they’re left with “I don’t know what to do.
Maybe I will just swipe right, swipe left, maybe I’ll just kind of connect, maybe I’ll hook up. And what she even describes in this documentary,
‘The Dating Project’, she talks about how people end up
having a bunch of “acci-dates.” Like where one person was actually
asking someone else out but the other person didn’t realize that
“oh this is a date” so it was an accidental date, right?
An acci-date. Or there’s just this automatic and immediate
physical intimacy in these hookups. That’s why one of her projects—I remember reading about this years ago—that she would ask her students to do for extra credit—
I think this back in the day, years ago— she would ask them to do extra credit
and the extra credit was to ask someone out on a date. But there had to be three requirements.
One was you had to do it in-person, face-to-face. Secondly, it couldn’t involve drugs or alcohol. And
third it couldn’t involve sex. She found out that after two weeks none of her students did this, and she was like, well, is it a lack of motivation?
Do you not want the extra credit? And they’re like, no, um, how do you do that?
And it wasn’t because they’re stupid. They’re at Boston College, it’s pretty good college. They didn’t know the script.
They weren’t given a script. And so what she started doing is,
she started having these relationship classes or classes about this or this lack
or this kind of dearth, this poverty when it comes to how to have a relationship. This isn’t just for college students or for young people. This is for all of us, because there is
an epidemic of loneliness. Many of us, whether we have romantic relationships
or no romantic relationships, whether we have families surrounding us
or we’re isolated and alone, we’re not able to share
the core of ourselves with many people. So the article that I read talked about this
and talked about how, oftentimes, middle-aged men experienced the epidemic of loneliness in a unique way because they don’t know how to enter into relationships
because their lives are surrounded by work and then family. Family is good, but they don’t know
how to have … brothers. They don’t know how to have necessarily,
not just “buddies” but true friendships with other men. They can have a friendship with their wife and that’s beautiful and powerful. They can even maybe be friends with
their grown children, and that’s great. But to have that man-to-man friendship,
or for women to have that woman-to-woman friendship is a skill that’s lost. One of the reasons why is because I think by extension.
Dr. Kerry Cronin talks about how, when it comes to dating someone,
we’ve lost the script. I think when it comes to being friends with someone we’ve lost the script. So we have this subsequent epidemic of loneliness. I’m not gonna blame social media,
I’m just not at all, because it’s a tool right? The tool can be used for positive or
it can be used for negative reasons. But I will note this: many of us have substituted authentic relationships in person, with other people, for virtual relationships. What happens is, we’ve substituted real life for what you might call an edited life. Real life is the ups and downs,
the small little moments and big moments in a person’s life
that someone else is sharing with you. And you’re sharing with their small moments
and their big moments. Edited life is safe.
Edited life is what we present to other people online. It’s even what we present to people when we choose
to text them rather than call them. Because if I’m gonna call someone,
I have to be thinking on my feet. This is actually my answer to your question you
just asked me right now. When it comes to a text message,
I can wait and think of an answer, I can type it out, I can delete it, I can edit it. It’s an edited life versus that
in-person, face-to-face, shared life. Real life you might call it. Because so many of us, not just Millennials, so many of us have exchanged real life
and real life connections for an edited life. Almost all of us, from the
oldest of us to the youngest of us, have lost the script.
And the best we can hope for is Netflix and chill. Or the best thing we can hope for is
I’m connecting with my buddies virtually. It’s forced, it’s edited and
it’s distancing us from each other. So what’s the solution? The solution might be to put down your phones. It might be to look up from our phones. Might be to log off of whatever the social media is.
That might be part of it. But a massive part of it is
rediscovering the script. Take a risk and share the small things
and the big things. That might mean that we have to slow down
when it comes to our lives. It might mean that we have to say no to
a lot of the plans we would like to have and just live well where we live, going off and doing the things we like to do, and just kind of being with the people
that we’re with right now. I wonder if that wouldn’t be a way that we could rediscover what it is to have a real life with someone and not just have an edited life with a bunch of someones. From all of us here at Ascension Presents,
my name is Fr. Mike. God bless.

100 thoughts on “The Culture of Netflix & Chill

  1. Father Mike you are very insightful and I have a request if possible. In a nutshell, I am a Conservative Traditional Catholic and my friend whom I have debates with is a very liberal Catholic. It is my contention that you cannot vote for a Pro-Choice Party and/or Candidate AND at the same time be Catholic. If you can do a video or tell me if I am somewhere on the right or wrong track that would be awesome. Looking forward to your insight on it because on one hand, I know that a basic principle of the Catholic faith is to respect and protect life, but at the same time, I wonder if I am being like the High Priests in Jesus' time being hypocritical and judgmental. Your insight would be valued and appreciated.

  2. I feel like this is totally true! I am distant with people and feel alone bc of this. Such a good advice!

  3. Kenyan from Nairobi and,when someone calls u and says they just wanna netflix and chill on a friday night,and are even more willing to send uber to pick u up…..well you've got to really know the meaning😂😂😂

  4. I do like your messages, don't get me wrong. But it's a modern age. No one wants to marry at 20, and I can't keep living at my parents home. I need someone to help me become independent (capitalism isn't perfect) and that person won't make those leaps without affection. Really….i feel like I can commit without marriage. And even marriage isn't 'till death do we part…the Catholic religion has annulment. Maybe in the deep South of America the 'Classic Catholic relationship' exists, but the rest of North America has become quite secular. Am I suppose to live a life of loneliness because the world has become secular???? I don't think God wants me to suffer that much, even if he was willing to let his son suffer in the worst way possible. God loves me too much to live my life I misery.

  5. Love your channel father mike. And another problem is if you ask someone out on a date now it can be considered harassment.

  6. In Australia it’s vegg out and watching the TV or watch somethin on Netflix 😎🇦🇺 with a cold one

  7. Im 50 and chronically ill. I thought netflix and chill meant Im fatigued and in pain, so Im going to lay in bed alone with my heating pad and meds and watch movies for the next 3 days and order delivery from an app on my phone. You have really opened my eyes!! Thank you!! And btw….what is a relationship??

  8. wow, the truth bomb you dropped in the last minute of this video brought me so much peace…. incredible inspired word.

  9. So is there any advice on what the social script is or do we literally just go up and ask them if they want to go out?

  10. so clever…not just on a spiritual/religious tip, but just in tune with what so many people struggle with on the daily

  11. Hahaha I'm so out of touch with the younger generation, lol. This is the first time I hear Netflix and chill with a different meaning. I thoght it was literally watching Netflix and relaxing. I guess it doesn't help that I am an American living overseas and all I have access to is Netflix, so yes and chill (relax). God bless 😘

  12. Uuuhh, never heard of THAT version of Netflix & chill. Everyone that I know, including myself literally mean WATCH Netflix and CHILL….as in relax. No idea where that other meaning comes from.
    But oh well. Ignorance is bliss on my part. I'll stick with the literal definition. 🙄

  13. This is true father.I cut it off but hook up here watching your video,Knowing my faith more.Thank you !God bless you too!

  14. So true. Thank you Father for your intelligent words. All your videos are really inspiring to me and helping me find the true meaning to life and Catholicism. Really all your videos are truly impacting my life. God bless.

  15. I thank God that I came up during the time when playing with your friends outside was what you did until you were called in for dinner. I'm blessed that I came up being happy to be face to face and converse about everything. Family had time to sit and talk, laugh and play cards and games together. We were taught to be caring and loving to everyone. Dating was being picked up and going out to eat them dancing then a goodnight kiss at the door. When you couldn't wait to be around your friends and family for sharing affection. I happen to live and respect Father Mike and am truly Blessed and proud of his humanity. You don't know what your missing by not building face to face memories. Try it. It can be even smiling to someone walking down the street with prayer blessing them.

  16. I am 67 so I grew up with face to face and I can become paranoid after being on social media because I am a personable type individual.

  17. I would have never guessed that. And to think before this video I might ask one of my buddies to come over and watch Netflix and chill. Kids are ruining our language.

  18. I agree with the statement about middle aged men having very few friends. I learned "the script" for cultivating romantic relationships pretty well when I was younger, but stumped now with cultivating true male friendships. The compromise is ok of developing "couples" relationships where 2 couples get together, have dinner etc. and the other couple is like melded into one person or relationship so to speak if that makes any sense. But hanging out with each person separately just seems weird, and struggle to find the commonalities that you found so easy when their spouse/significant other was around.

  19. Its hard to be frienda with other males because we all have this male ego we have to be tough or whatever.Too much pride in sporting events and other knick knacks that we forgot to just hangout..

  20. before TV, before cell phones, no internet so people had to talk to each other face to face. All that is lost now. My grandchildren now sit in front of the internet for hours and text each other. SAd

  21. Father you do see the irony of asking ppl to disconnect form social media on a youtube channel right lol, Well seriously very insightful commentary, you do have a gift for this, please keep up the good work. God Bless you.

  22. It always a pleassure to watch your videos, but sometimes they are stressful beacuse you speak so quickly some moments.

  23. You crack me up Fr. Mike and I love your enthusiasm! I never would have thought that's what that meant in today's world! Of course I was born in the 60's and I watch Netflix and chill as I mean it to be. Make some popcorn, have a glass of wine sit back in my flannel PJ's and watch a movie! I hate it when today's kids take a phrase and turn it into something sexual. Makes me think of the rubber shoes I wore in the 70's called thongs! Now you can't say that because someone dubbed them as underwear and now my slip-on's are called flip flops!

  24. Net Flix is movies on the internet?
    Chilling is getting relaxed?
    Why not just watch a movie and relax. At 71 my attention span is shorter than my stature—Fr Mike’s videos are the right length and more meaningful to me than chilly movies on the internet. Chillin with Fr Mike is what I like. 😎

  25. I agree! The men of the west, especially in the U.S. are lonely and need each others friendship. I started a men's group and we meet every week with a consistent 8 guys, but there are still a ton more men who are not being fed.

  26. I was unfamiliar with the term "LaCroix", so I had to google it. I didn't know what Father Mike meant when he said he was drinking a LaCroix.

  27. Thank you Father for this message. I'm so addicted to social media I find it so difficult to get off my phone and get connected to people. I'm trying hard to overcome this…. Please pray for me.

  28. Never knew Netflix and Chill had a double meaning. I've heard it used as to just veg out in front of the telly. Thankfully that meaning have crossed the Atlantic yet 🙂

  29. You have perfectly described my worry with the young "netflix and chill" culture. I am in that age group, but I was not raised with technology, so I never developed that kind of flakey and inauthentic relationship with myself and others. However, I am starting to date now, and boy, have I seen it in at least 2 men. I am still searching for someone authentic, has their own, strong mind, and has a sense of self.

  30. I thought he was going to say Netflix & Chill involved weed…
    That's the only connotation I knew about.

  31. Their loneliness is coming from not having a close relationship with Jesus. Jesus is the real lonely one. He's craving our love because he loves us so much. He's weeping for us.

  32. Blab much, father? Sorry… but i think you need to compose your thoughts first before you go on record. And i say this with love- tough love- in my heart. Im a devout Catholic.

  33. I think the loss of "the script" is what caused the "pickup artist" community to explode in the early 2000s. Men don't know how to talk to women anymore. This counterculture of guys was getting together, rediscovering "the script" or as they call it "the game" to try and figure out how to date women because they were never taught how by their male role models (if they even had any). They boiled it down to a science as to what pickup lines elicited positive responses from most women. While most of these young men were living a hedonistic lifestyle filled with excessive drugs, alcohol, and sex, one of the founders of this counterculture, Neil Strauss, says that it doesn't have to be about that if you don't want it to be. He said if you're a wholesome guy who's just looking for their soul mate, you can use their techniques for that as well.

  34. Wow. The epidemic of loneliness is sad and dangerous. Because it could lead to suicide. Very sad and scary. Men do have a hard time having real friendships.

  35. "Blue Steel!" Your face on your thumbnail is funny…I don't Netflix and chiii, I don't have a T.V. I hate this culture. I am sure it is real rough to be a "millennial." Cry me a river.."Thank you Priest" Do you know what movie that iis from??

  36. Father Mike Shmitz,
    What is your take on consecrated men or women with tattoos? If a person got a tattoo before their conversion, are now consecrated… Should they make an effort to hide it better?

  37. I am divorced and have a hard time making close friends. I think most close friends are made during the school years. after that people are too busy to develop close relationships.

  38. He makes his point "epidemic of loneliness" at 4:45. The only way to have that fraternal kinship to which the pastor refers, is to enter into a vow of celibacy in a monastery where there are NO women. Otherwise your brother, whom you depend upon for companionship, gets worldly and weak, finds a woman, and betray you for her. That is the way of the world. Happens all the time.

  39. Premarital sex, fornication? lol call it what it is…..that’s the broken culture we have today, hookups over dating

  40. I’m not catholic but subscribed because I like to listen to you and your funny 😆. I use to go to church but stopped going, I use to identify as a Christian ✝️ but I don’t anymore. I believe in God and have been baptized in the past, and have asked Gods spirit in my life. I believe to be “saved” and do Gods will is to love mercy, walk humbly, and love God with all our heart and mind by loving others, that is it and giving our control nature over to God by walking in Faith.

  41. It also causes anxiety becsuse it's anxiety provoking. I got rid of Facebook years ago. Unfortunately others haven't so it's still a bit uncomfortable and awkward. I like that I can ask someone genuinely what is new because I haven't seen it already on Facebook.

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